


R E D A M A N C Y

by iwannadreamforever



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Mentions of Clarke & Finn, Minor Character Death, Past Costia & Lexa, Past Flarke, Surgeon!Lexa, little angst, paramedic!clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2018-12-21 09:03:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11940810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannadreamforever/pseuds/iwannadreamforever
Summary: redamancy: (n.) the act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full.Clarke and Lexa were vague friends in high school, but went their separate ways. Lexa moves back to Atlanta after finishing med school and bumps into Clarke 8 years after she has last seen her.They start a new friendship, though Clarke is a bit closed off and seems scarred by her past. Lexa keeps trying, but will Clarke let her in?





	1. Chapter 1

_'Take my hand and lead the way, out of the darkness and into the light of the day. And take me somewhere I'll be safe, carry my lifeless body away from the pain.’ Hurts - Help_

 

* * *

 

A knock on her door woke her up. She rubbed her eyes and stretched her arms, only to groan in pain and finding out she had been sleeping on her couch instead of her bed. Her uniform still on, her hair a mess and probably her make up smeared over her face, she didn’t care and opened her door.

“Clarke.” Raven’s stern voice sounded and Clarke shrugged.

“Clarke, you look like shit. Our shift starts in half an hour!” Raven barged into Clarke’s apartment, and the blonde shrugged to herself again, closing the door and following her best friend.

“What’s going on?” Raven’s voice softened as she gently pushed Clarke into the bathroom to get her ready for their shift.

Clarke let it happen as Raven fixed her hair and make up.

“I just forgot to go to bed and set the alarm.” Clarke mumbled as she grabbed a fresh uniform.

“Yeah right.” Raven rolled her eyes, but knew not to push any further. She knew how Clarke was struggling with her past, and compared to three years ago, the blonde was already doing well.

But Raven was still worried. Clarke was too thin and had dark circles under her eyes, but the blonde always kept working hard. And Raven just made sure that Clarke was alright, because Raven was all the blonde paramedic had and nobody else could do it.

“Alright, you’re ready. Let’s go!” Raven dragged Clarke out of her apartment after she checked they had everything and Clarke willingly walked behind her Latina best friend. 

Raven drove them to their medical base in the city.

The brunette parked her car and the two best friends walked inside to get ready for their shift.

“Raven! Clarke!” Jaha, their base manager, called their names enthusiastically with an exaggerated Georgian accent, making Clarke smile slightly. 

“You girls take wagon three t’day.” Jaha smirked as he pointed to the vehicle. Raven smiled and Clarke sat down at the table, grabbing a sandwich since she didn’t have time to eat breakfast yet.

“Girls, it’s Friday, which means it’s the busiest day in the week.” Jaha started his daily speech, and Clarke rolled her eyes with her mouth full towards Raven, who rolled her eyes just as much as Clarke did, making both girls smile.

At their base were 6 vehicles and 12 teams. They often went to the Grady hospital, since that was the closest, but they sometimes had to go to other hospitals as well.

Clarke and Raven had been working here for 3 years now, having met at their training. They were lucky they got to work together.

Clarke enjoyed her work, she really did. She got to save lives, and that was all she wanted.

She just tried to fight for people’s lives, so their loved ones wouldn’t have to feel what Clarke felt all the time. Guilt. Pain. Loss.

Clarke felt it every day, every minute. But working as a paramedic helped her slightly, knowing some people wouldn’t have to deal with it. But as soon as Clarke lost someone on the job, she would cry at night. Nobody knew that.

Not even Raven.

Clarke had no idea how she was able to keep going, but she just did. Her life had been hard but people kept telling her that time heals all wounds, and she believed that. She believed that one day, the pain would become less and less.

And ‘till this moment, she was still waiting for that day.

* * *

“Alright, Dr Woods. This is our ER. Today you’ll be on Jackson’s service, which means trauma, lots of trauma. G’luck on your first day at Grady’s.” the nurse sounded sarcastic and Lexa raised her eyebrows but didn’t comment.

It was her first day as an intern at the hospital and she couldn’t wait to get started.

She just graduated from medical school, for which she had been working hard.

“Dr Jackson?” Lexa called out for the man she thought could be Dr Jackson.

“Yeah, can I help you?” Jackson looked down at a chart, though he seemed like a nice guy. He looked up at Lexa with friendly brown eyes and a crooked flirty smile, and Lexa smiled back politely, yet distant.

“I’m Lexa Woods, your intern for today?” Lexa asked more than stated, and Jackson nodded.

“Yes, yes, I have heard about you, Dr Woods. Do you have your pager?” he asked, already looking at the pocket in Lexa’s white coat.

“Yes, sir.” Lexa replied and Jackson nodded.

“Alright, let’s get you started. There are a couple of rules in my ER; one,” he looked at his own pager. “If you get paged to the ER, you drop everything and you run. But only if it’s 911, which is mostly the case.” He quickly added, and sighed in annoyance when he saw that another new intern dropped something nervously.

“Rule number two; don’t be nervous and don’t screw things up. If you do, I fire you, you get it?” he still had a soft look on his face, though his voice sounded warningly and Lexa nodded. She wasn’t nervous at all, she just couldn’t wait to get started.

“Alright last rule; you go where I go, unless I tell you differently. You got it? You can always come to me with questions.” As soon as he finished talking, both their pagers went off.

“Alright, this means that an ambulance will be here in approximately two minutes. Get a surgical gown and a cap, and always make sure you wear gloves!” Jackson almost yelled as he grabbed his own stuff and put it on. He quickly pointed to two nurses to assist him and Lexa quickly followed, wearing the surgical gown over her lightblue scrubs.

“Alright, you know the procedure I assume?” Jackson said as he stood by the ER entrance, waiting for the ambulance.

“Yes, sir.” Lexa said. She knew how it worked, and her hands were itching to do some work.

“Ambulance will be here soon.” He stated, trusting Lexa she truly knew what the procedure was.

As soon as they heard the sirens, both Lexa and Jackson stormed outside, and the ambulance quickly stopped, a brunette jumping out from the front, and a familiar voice called.

“27 year old male, trauma to the head, BP stabilized, I don’t think there’s other damage than his head!” a blonde jumped out of the back and pulled the man on the stretcher out of the ambulance, so that Jackson and Lexa could take him, but Lexa suddenly stumbled when she saw to whom the familiar voice belonged.

“Clarke? Clarke Griffin?” Lexa asked stupidly, standing doing nothing. 

“Now’s not the time for catch ups, Lexa!” Jackson called and Lexa felt her cheeks burn as she saw Clarke throwing her a smile.

“Lexa.” She only said, and Lexa noticed how her voice had become heavier, her face less happy than the days when they were friends in high school.

“Lexa, come on!” Jackson called, already riding the guy inside on his way to take a head CT. Lexa threw an awkward quick wave in Clarke’s direction and turned around to clumsily run after Jackson, only to bump into the entrance door of the ER, feeling her nose break. 

“Fuck!” she called, falling back, her hands covering her nose.

“Are you kidding me?!” Jackson called and he rolled his eyes, calling for another intern and a nurse to help him.

“CLARKE! FIX HER!” he called out before disappearing in the elevator. 

“Whoa, easy there cowboy.” Clarke’s husky voice sounded as Lexa found herself being dizzy, and she almost fell over as she walked into the ER, but steady hands caught her.

“Hey Clarke.” Lexa smiled awkwardly, her cheeks redder than ever, embarrassed by the situation, but what surprised her was that Clarke wasn’t laughing at her.

Instead, the blonde woman was looking at Lexa with concern, and it did something weird to Lexa’s stomach.

“C’mon.” Clarke smiled softly, leading Lexa to one of the beds in the ER.

“Sit.” Clarke commanded and Lexa obeyed, now starting to feel the pain in her nose.

“Yeah it’s broken.” Clarke smiled again.

“Clarke! What are you doing? This is the work for the hospital employees, not for us.” The brunette from the ambulance walked up on them and Clarke turned around slowly.

“Relax, Raven. I’ll be there in five.”

“Clarke?” the girl whose name was Raven quirked a brow and Lexa was slightly amused by her dry expression.

“I know this girl. Be right there.” Clarke said again, and Raven rolled her eyes, but waved shortly at Lexa.

“I’m Raven.”

“Lexa.”

“Goodluck with your nose. Nice move.” Raven chuckled, and Lexa’s smile left her face, but Clarke threw a reassuring smirk in her direction.

“She’s only teasing.” She mumbled, and Lexa smiled again at Raven, who was already walking outside with a sassy hipwiggle. 

“Don’t mind her.” Clarke laughed a bit, but Lexa noticed something about Clarke. 

She laughed, but her eyes weren’t laughing. And Lexa could see it. 

“Are you alright?” Lexa asked with much concern and Clarke raised her brow.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Clarke stopped what she was doing and looked at Lexa with a curious look on her face.

“You seem..” Lexa started but she didn’t want to overstep. They may have been friends in high school, but it was years ago, and they weren’t the best of friends.

“Yeah?” Clarke encouraged Lexa to continue with her thought.

“Sad. You seem sad.” Lexa mumbled, looking down at her hands, and Clarke smiled a bit at her shyness.

“Maybe you are right.” Clarke responded after a short while and she took Lexa’s face between her hands, and Lexa’s cheeks were on fire.

“Wha- what are you doing?” Lexa asked surprised.

“Looking at your nose so I can fix it.” Clarke smiled again, and this time, her smile seemed a bit wider, but Lexa could be imagining things. 

“Oh.” Lexa felt the embarrassment wash over her and because Clarke held her face, she just closed her eyes to avoid awkward eye contact.

“Aight, Imma fix your nose now.” Clarke mumbled and Lexa smiled when she heard Clarke’s old Georgian accent. Her smile didn’t last long; Clarke pressed her left index finger against her nose and Lexa’s eyes shot open due to the pain.

“Sorry, but it’s gonna hurt.” Clarke looked Lexa apologetically in the eyes and pushed her finger, causing something in Lexa’s nose to snap, and the intern groaned.

The blonde grabbed a small towel and started cleaning Lexa’s face, wiping the blood away with more care than usual.

“How have you been?” Clarke moved her gaze to Lexa’s emerald eyes, and she smiled a bit when she caught Lexa staring at her.

“Good, I’ve been good. Finished medschool, moved here with my best friend and now I started here today.” Lexa stated proudly, already forgotten about her accident minutes before.

“Good start. You moved here with Anya?” Clarke smiled as she took off her gloves and threw them in the trashcan next to the bed, while she sat on the stool, close to Lexa.

“Yeah. How’dya know it was Anya?”

“She was your best friend in high school, Lexa.” Clarke smiled.

“Right.” Lexa whispered and she looked down at her hands. “How have you been, Clarke?”

“I’m- I’m doing alright.”

Lexa looked at Clarke and she knew it was a lie, but she didn’t ask further, not wanting to pry.

“Okay. That’s good.” Lexa said, and she got up from the bed.

“Well, you know what to do. Lots of ice, and an apology to Jackson.” Clarke smirked, touching Lexa’s arm slightly to steady the brunette.

“Yeah, I know.” Lexa sighed, not really happy with today’s event, despite the fact she saw Clarke again. 

“I’ll see you around.” Clarke said, and she was about to turn around to walk outside when Lexa stopped her.

“Clarke!” she yelled impulsively.

“Yeah?” the blonde turned around with a genuine smile and Lexa swallowed when she noticed how beautiful Clarke still was, even though she seemed skinnier than before. 

“Could I… could I have your number maybe? We could catch up.” Lexa sounded hesitantly, but Clarke nodded.

She grabbed a pen and a piece of paper, scrabbled something on it and handed it to Lexa. 

“Looking forward to it, Lexa Woods.” Clarke winked, and walked out of the ER, leaving Lexa with her eyes glued to Clarke’s back.

* * *

 “So, what was that all about?” Raven asked as soon as Clarke climbed into the ambulance to drive back to the base.

“Nothing. She was a friend in high school.” Clarke smiled.

“Do all high school friends get you to smile that goofy?” Raven laughed when she steered the ambulance on the road.

“Shut up, Rae.” Clarke nudged her best friend and sighed as she stared outside. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

Lexa Woods. They used to be friends, Clarke remembered well. 

After 8 years, they had seen each other again, and Clarke had the feeling something changed. Maybe it was the fact that they were adults now, or maybe it was just the fact how adorable Lexa had been, or how green Lexa's eyes were.

* * *

_“Where’s Clarke?” Lexa asked as she took place next to Anya and Octavia in the canteen._

_The girls were quiet, and Lexa didn’t understand._

_“O?” Lexa asked Octavia, and the dark haired girl looked up at Lexa with a sad look in her eyes._

_“Her parents…” Octavia started, but she swallowed. “Her parents died in an accident yesterday.” Octavia had trouble pronouncing the word ‘died’._

_Lexa dropped her drink on the table, didn’t even notice._

_“What? You are kidding right?" Lexa asked in shock. She remembered Clarke's parents. She had come to some of Clarke's parties in the past and had met them from time to time._

_"Both of them? No!" Lexa groaned. She felt so much in that moment. She felt sorry for Clarke. She felt the hurt herself. She didn't want Clarke to go through something like that._

_She cared about Clarke, she didn't want anybody to go through what Clarke had to go through, on her own. She just wanted to be there for the blonde but she knew it would be weird. They may've hung out together in the past but never, had they had spent a minute just the two of them alone._

_"Clarke.." Lexa sighed and dropped her head in her hands. "My god."_

_"Yeah, my god indeed." Anya whispered. All of the girls were quiet as they all thought about their blonde friend._

_"Should we.. like... visit her or something?" Lexa asked, looking around questioningly._

_"Yeah, we probably should." Octavia nodded._

_So they went to visit their friend. What surprised Lexa is that they found her at home; all alone._

_They knew Clarke didn't have more family. And the blonde had just turned 18, so legally, she had to be on her own._

_"Clarke." Lexa's heart broke when she saw the blonde girl._

_The three girls were standing in the livingroom, where they saw Clarke sleeping on the couch, a stuffed animal clasped to her chest, her red, puffy face still wet from tears. She was wearing the same clothes as the day before and she looked like crap and Lexa felt her heart ache for the girl she was in love with._

_"Clarke." Octavia nudged the blonde softly in the shoulder, waking her up._

_"Hey." Clarke's voice sounded weird._

_"Why are you here?" Anya asked._

_"Where else am I supposed to go?" Clarke sat up and she looked like she was about to cry again._

_"You can stay with me, Clarke." Octavia said. "You don't have to do this on your own."_

_"I'm gonna have to." Clarke's voice sounded harsh as she spoke._

_"Clarke." Octavia sighed._

_Anya and Lexa were awkwardly watching the situation, not really knowing what to do._

_"No, I'm fine, O. We had our finals, we are probably all graduated in a week. I'm going to take care of the funeral and I'm going to college and I make sure this house will be sold." and that's the moment Clarke broke down._

_She cried. Hard. Her voice muffled by all her tears, Octavia took the blonde in her arms, and Lexa felt how she had to cry as well._

_"I'll help you. My parents will help you, Clarke. Like I said, you don't have to do this alone." Octavia whispered._

_"I know." Clarke cried, as she fell apart in Octavia's arms._

_It took Clarke over half an hour to calm down, and Lexa and Anya felt like they had to go._

_So they went._

_"Clarke?" Lexa kneeled in front of Clarke, not really sure what to say. The blonde looked at Lexa with watery, bright blue eyes. So bright, Lexa had never seen them before and all she wanted to do in that moment was capture Clarke Griffin's lips with her own, making the girl forget about the world, about her pain._

_Instead, Lexa gently caressed Clarke's knee. "I don't really know what to say or do, Clarke, but just tell me if you need something. Distraction, food, anything, okay?" Lexa made sure Clarke heard her words._

_The blonde nodded and sent a small smile in appreciation in Lexa's direction, grabbing Lexa's hand in the process._

_"Thank you, Lexa." she said, and Lexa nodded, getting up, still holding Clarke's hand._

_"You know where to find me." Lexa added quickly, squeezing Clarke's hand before letting go, pressing a kiss on the blonde's head and leaving the house._

_That was the last Lexa had seen of Clarke Griffin._

_Until 8 years later._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit fluff.

_'I've seen loneliness. She wrapped me up with such tenderness, I've seen loneliness. She tied me down in her sweet caress.” Ben Howard - Three Tree Town_

* * *

 

"You go home. You can start next week." Jackson sighed, but he had an amused smile on his face. He hadn't planned on being harsh, especially not when he saw the disappointed look on the girls face.

"Next week? But sir, I'm fine." Lexa slurred. Her nose was completely closed because it was swollen and Jackson had to stifle a laugh at the sight of Lexa pretending to be fine. 

"Get some ice, will'ya, Woods." he laughed out loud by now and sent Lexa home, much to her disappointment, but she was glad that Jackson wasn't mad.

  

"Whoa, what on earth happened to you?" Anya's eyes were wide and as soon as Lexa rolled her eyes, Anya broke down in laughter. "You look like a fucking troll!"

"Shut up, Ahn!" Lexa yelled as she went to her room and closed the door behind her.

As expected, a few moments later, Anya knocked on her door, and, as expected, Anya didn't wait for an answer and opened Lexa's door.

"Why even knock?" Lexa rolled her eyes again at her best friend and Anya chuckled.

"What happened?"

"I saw Clarke." Lexa simply stated.

"And she broke your nose?" Anya was surprised to hear about Clarke. She hadn't thought of the blonde since high school.

"Yes. No. She distracted me and I walked into a door." Lexa looked down, embarrassed by the story, but she knew that if she lied, Anya would see right through her.

"Clarke Griffin distracted you and broke your nose? Damn, Lexa Woods, are you still in love with her after all those years?" Anya mocked, laughing slightly, but when she saw the serious look on Lexa's face she stopped.

"You still care for her."

"Of course I do! She used to be our friend, Ahn, I used to be in love with her. I'm not anymore, but I still care." Lexa groaned.

"Alright fine, calm down, Woods. But Clarke?" Anya raised her eyebrow, wanting to hear more about the blonde who used to be her friend.

"She works here as a paramedic." Lexa just said, and Anya was surprised to hear Clarke was in town. 

"How long she been here?"

"I don't know! Longer than us." Lexa said in annoyance, and Anya got the message, raising her hands and leaving Lexa's room. 

* * *

 

As soon as Anya was out the door, Lexa grabbed her phone. She wanted to call Clarke. The blonde had been on her mind all day, and she just couldn't help but feeling incredibly attracted to her again. Still, as in high school. 

Lexa shook her head. No, she wasn't in love with Clarke, she was just attracted to the woman, which wasn't weird. Clarke was beautiful, with her big blue eyes, the beauty mark above her lip and a perfect set of white teeth that charmed her smile even more. Her wavy blonde hair, that was often tucked in a loose ponytail. Her curves, despite her thinness. Yeah, Clarke Griffin was undeniably beautiful.

Lexa sighed. She was kind of scared to call Clarke, but she didn't really want to wait either, so she grabbed the piece of paper with Clarke's number, and Lexa smiled when she recognized the blonde's messy handwriting from high school.

She put the number in her phone and called it.

She sighed nervously, secretly hoping Clarke wouldn't answer.

"Clarke Griffin." Clarke's voice sounded, and Lexa knew something was wrong.

"Clarke?" Lexa was worried about the blonde. "Everything alright?"

She heard a sarcastic chuckle on the other side of the line.

"No." Clarke sniffled a bit, Lexa could tell she had been crying.

"I- I can call you back if you want." Lexa bit her lip, not wanting to hang up.

"No, it's alright Lexa." Clarke's voice sounded gentle, as if she had forgotten about her earlier state of mind.

  

Clarke smiled when she heard Lexa stutter. She had to admit, she had smiled as soon as she heard Lexa call her name through the phone.

Lexa's voice was kind of calming, and somehow, Clarke wasn't embarrassed that Lexa knew she had been crying.

"Oh okay." Lexa fell silent for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Clarke smiled again. Maybe, maybe it was good if she was going to talk about it. And maybe, she wouldn't mind talking to Lexa about it. But not over the phone.

"Maybe some other time, alright? I prefer not over the phone." Clarke kept smiling as she stared out of her window. It was already getting dark outside, and Clarke had a pretty view over the skyscrapers of Atlanta, and somehow, for the first time looking at them, she didn't feel lonely.

Clarke noticed Lexa was completely silent. "So how's your nose?" Clarke let out a small chuckle and she heard Lexa scoff playfully on the other side of the line.

"It's painful. Anya laughed her ass off when she saw me." Lexa's voice sounded amused.

"No wonder." Clarke laughed now. "It looked very beautiful, miss Woods." the sarcasm obvious through the phone, Clarke heard Lexa scoff again.

"Well thank you, Dr Clarke." Lexa laughed by now. "Jackson gave me a week off. 

"He did?" Clarke giggled at the thought. "Well then he was quite merciful, Dr Woods." Clarke teased and in that moment she knew she didn't want to hang up the phone.

It was refreshing, talking to Lexa again after all these years. She felt guilty that she had never let Lexa nor Anya know where she went and how she was doing. Only Octavia knew and Clarke had made sure that O wouldn't tell Lexa and Anya, but now she regretted it.

"I'm sorry." Clarke whispered unknowingly. 

"What?" Lexa sounded again, a bit surprised.

"I'm sorry. I-..." the blonde sighed, opened the door to her balcony, immediately feeling the calming wind in her face and she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I just disappeared."

"Clarke, it's fine. You didn't owe me anything, okay? Maybe I didn't agree with the way you did it, I did respect it since it was your choice, alright? Nothing to be sorry for." Lexa's voice was so soft and sweet, Clarke closed her eyes and smiled slightly.

"Still, I shouldn't have done that."

"There are more things in life we shouldn't do, Clarke. But that's kinda how we learn, right?"

"Yeah, that's true." Clarke sighed again, and a comfortable silence fell between the two. 

"Lexa?" 

"Yes, Clarke?" 

"I'm free tomorrow. Well, I'm on call, but I don't expect anything to happen, so maybe, you'd like to grab a coffee?" Clarke bit her lip, hoping Lexa would say yes.

"Well, only if you grab some and come to my house. I will not show myself to the world right now." Lexa laughed her contagious laugh and Clarke laughed along.

"Deal." the blonde smiled, and she still didn't want to hang up the phone.

"Oh, and if you do one thing." Lexa sounded dead serious. 

"Yeah?"

"Bring doughnuts."

"Really Lexa? Still?" Clarke laughed hard. Lexa always had a weak spot for doughnuts, even in high school. It was as if the brunette hadn't changed at all, while Clarke had become a complete different person.

And Clarke liked it. She had always liked Lexa. The brunette was funny without knowing it, she new how to cheer you up. She was smart and nerdy, with her glasses, and Clarke always called her a dork. The green eyed girl was clumsy and shy, and Clarke always thought it was adorable.

"Yes, Clarke, still. Now, I'm gonna go to sleep, I'm really tired." Clarke heard how Lexa yawned and Clarke knew she was smiling again.

"Well then, Dr Lexa. Sleep well, and text me your address!" The paramedic was a bit sad that their conversation was over, but she smiled knowing she would see Lexa the next day.

"Goodnight, Clarke. I'll see you tomorrow."

* * *

 "You're going on a date with Clarke? With your nose?" Anya laughed again and Lexa just groaned, while she stroke her dog Socks.

"No, Ahn, it's not a freaking date, and yes, with my nose. Shut up." planting a kiss on Socks' head, Lexa tried to calm herself from Anya's annoyance.

"Gee, fine. Relax." Anya raised her hands, rolling her eyes and grabbed her stuff to go to work. "Tell Clarke I said hi and that she has to call me. And uh, have fun." Anya wiggled her eyebrows and quickly walked out the door, seeing Lexa's angry face.

"Two more hours." Lexa mumbled to Socks, who just licked her hand as she walked to her room and dropped herself on her bed.

"Oh shit." she grumbled as she sat up again. She completely forgot to clean the place. They just moved her and it was still a mess, her clothes everywhere and her stuff all over the place. She quickly got up and cleaned the place up.

She was so busy working she didn't notice it was already 3, and she shot up from shock when she heard the doorbell ring. 

"Fuck." she looked like crap, she was sure. But it was too late, so she pushed the intercom button.

"I'll buzz you in. Door's open." Lexa quickly said and she heard a vague chuckle through the intercom that made her smile, and she buzzed the blonde in, running to the bathroom to save herself, but she saw it was useless. Her nose was still swollen and getting purple, and Lexa just groaned.

"Lexa?" Clarke's voice called and Lexa muttered another 'fuck' and tried to compose herself, stepping out of the bathroom.

"Hey." Lexa walked into the livingroom, finding Clarke crunched down and tickling Socks, who seemed completely content with the blonde rubbing his stomach.

"Hi." Clarke smiled and stood up, leaving a sad Socks on the floor. "Who's this?" the blue eyed girl pointed to the golden retriever with the white paws, and Lexa smiled.

"That's Socks."

"So adorable." Clarke smiled and she handed Lexa a coffee and a paper bag. "Cappuccino with extra caramel, if I remembered well." Clarke smiled as she stepped closer.

"Yeah, thanks. Can't believe you remembered." Lexa smiled as she took the paperbag, and she walked to her kitchen. 

"Of course I remember, Lexa. Nice place you got here."" Clarke had followed her to the kitchen and Lexa let out a sarcastic laugh. 

The place was poor; Lexa and Anya didn't have much money yet. It was small and dirty, and Lexa hoped she could move away quickly. 

"Liar." Lexa smiled into Clarke's direction.

"No, I mean it. It's cosy and cute." Clarke insisted and it made Lexa smile, because she knew the blonde was genuine.

"Thanks. I'd rather move elsewhere though." Lexa smirked and grabbed a plate for the doughnuts. "If I remember well, Clarke Griffin, you used to steal my doughnuts. Want one?" 

Clarke's cheeks turned a bit reddish making Lexa laugh. "How do you know I stole them sometimes?" Clarke put herself over her embarrassment and grabbed the plate with doughnuts, taking a big bite. 

Lexa chuckled at the sight of the white powder on Clarke's mouth but didn't mention it. "Doughnuts were life back then, Clarke. Of course I noticed when one was gone." Lexa pushed the blonde to the livingroom and it was as if the two had always been really good friends.

They were strangely enough really comfortable around each other. Clarke took place on the couch in the small living room and smiled when she saw the mess.

"How was med school?" the blonde asked while continuing her doughnut, offering Lexa one as well as the brunette sat down next to Clarke.

 "It was hard. You know, I had to work as well... I'm so glad it's over." Lexa sighed at the memory. She didn't want a student debt, so she worked, hard. She worked besides studying and it was the hardest thing she ever had to do.

"You did well, Lexa. You made it." Clarke smiled a beautiful smile as she had finished her doughnut.

 "You got some..." Lexa automatically whiped Clarke mouth clean with her fingers and it wasn't even weird or awkward. Clarke just kept smiling at Lexa's gentleness.

"So..." Lexa started. She was curious about Clarke. "What happened? After..."

"My parents died?" Clarke smiled sadly. 

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay, y'know." Lexa said, pulling her legs up the couch.

"No, no, it's fine. I uh... I stayed at Octavia's for the summer. My parent's lawyer sold  the house. I sold all my parent's stuff." Clarke swallowed a bit and she felt a warm hand on her knee.

"Clarke, I'm not pushing you to tell me." Lexa's voice sounded worried, but Clarke smiled sadly, ignoring Lexa's comment.

"I sold everything. I went to college, pre-med. I moved to campus and I actually never spoke to O again." Clarke dropped her head in regret. "I did call her when I moved back here three years ago, though. We're still friends."

Lexa had the feeling something more had happened to Clarke, but still, she didn't want to push the blonde in telling her stuff that hurt her.

"I had a boyfriend." Clarke stared in front of her into nothing, her voice coming out of nowhere as the two young women sat in silence. "He died, too." Clarke swallowed again and Lexa felt her heart break, the exact same feeling she had when she saw Clarke Griffin on the couch in her old home when her parents had died.

"Clarke..." Lexa didn't hesitate when she pulled Clarke closer by her shoulders and Clarke had trouble stopping her tears. She wanted Lexa to know about her. She just wanted to get it over with. 

The two women didn't speak as Clarke cried softly in Lexa's arms.

Lexa smiled, though. She was glad that Clarke felt comfortable enough with her to tell her the truth, to cry in front of her. She was glad that she had seen Clarke at the hospital. And most of all she was glad that she knew what was going on, so she could help. 

 

After several minutes, Clarke looked up at Lexa, she started laughing. Lexa looked at her, a lost expression on her face.

"Sorry, Lexa, your nose is ridiculous." the blonde chuckled, and only because it was Clarke, Lexa laughed along. If it had been Anya, she would've killed her already. "Let me take a look." Clarke whiped her tears away and focused on Lexa's nose, when her pager went off.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Clarke rolled her eyes, still sniffling, and Lexa felt the disappointment flowing through her veins. She knew Clarke was on call and she knew it wasn't her fault she had to go, but still, Lexa didn't really like it.

 "I'm sorry, I really gotta go." Clarke got up from the couch and smiled apologetically. She saw the disappointed look in Lexa's eyes, but knew the brunette would insist she didn't mind.

"It's fine, Clarke, go save some lives." Lexa smiled and got up as well, walking the blonde to the door.

"I'll talk to you soon." Lexa nudged Clarke in her arm as she opened the door and the blonde pulled Lexa in a hug. 

"Thank you, Lexa, for listening."

Lexa smiled, and closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around the blonde. A scent of subtle perfume entered Lexa's nose. It was a comfortable scent, it was sweet, but not too sweet. Just so Clarke.

"You're welcome, Clarke. You can always talk to me." Lexa meant it and Clarke pulled back, looking the brunette in her oh-so green eyes.

"Bye." Clarke threw a last soft smile in Lexa's direction and left the apartment. 

Once outside, Clarke had no idea what came over her. Her heart was still racing and she let out a breath she forgot she held.

 

"The fuck." she mumbled as she got in her car. She had no idea why her heart was beating so fast. She had no idea why she had felt so comfortable around Lexa. She had no idea why she had the urge to tell the brunette everything that had been bothering her.

Maybe she did, deep down. But maybe, very maybe, she was afraid of the reason why. 

* * *

Clarke had a long day. A big accident had happened with a bus full of tourists and they had needed all hands on deck, and she was exhausted.

She was happy when she was finally able to go home, and she dropped herself on the chair on her balcony, as she had become almost addicted to the view ever since she lived in her small but luxerous apartment.

It had been a warm day, and Clarke could still feel the warm wind in her face as she sat, doing nothing but staring.

Even though Raven was always there for her, Clarke always had the feeling she couldn't tell her best friend everything and she had no idea why. Maybe because Raven wouldn't understand. And Clarke had felt lonely because of it.

There was nobody who understood, nobody she could talk to to make her feel better. And then she bumped into Lexa.

Somehow, they connected now better than in high school and Clarke felt at ease with the brunette and she was really grateful for that. Even though Lexa looked like shit with her nose, Clarke still thought she was beautiful.

"Wait, what?" Clarke caught herself thinking about Lexa. She shook her head and rolled her eyes at herself, grabbing her phone for the first time that day, only to find a handful of messages, two missed calls, but what caught her eye was a text from Lexa.

 

Lexa (17:34) - Socks already misses you.

 

Clarke Griffin (23:12) - I miss him too. Very much ;)

 

Clarke smiled at her phone. She always had a weak spot for dogs.

 

Lexa (23:13) - How was your day?

 

Clarke Griffin (23:13) - Can I call you? Or are you going to bed yet?

 

Lexa calling

 

"Hey." Clarke smiled when she picked up her phone.

"Hey." Lexa's voice was soft, and Clarke unknowingly felt relieved by hearing her friend. "You alright?"

 "Yeah, yeah, I just got home from work. Hectic day." Clarke sighed a bit and slumped in her chair, looking over the city.

 "Ah, I see. Shouldn't you go to bed?" Lexa asked, and Clarke could hear some worry in her voice.

"No, I'm good. I'm free tomorrow, and I just... can't sleep yet."

"D'ya wanna come over tomorrow?" Lexa asked carefully, and Clarke smirked a bit.

"Yeah, sure. I really do miss Socks already." Clarke teased and she could hear Lexa chuckle softly.

"He misses you too. He doesn't really like people but he seems to like you." 

"Liar. Dogs like everyone. I have a thing for dogs." Clarke stated and smiled again. "He's really adorable."

"He is! Why'dya think I got him?" Lexa laughed and Clarke enjoyed the innocence of the conversation.

"Yeah good point. I'm thinking about taking a dog as well." Clarke lied. Well, it wasn't a complete lie. But she was only thinking about it for the past 20 seconds.

"Really? What kind?"

"Don't know yet. I like 'm all." Clarke thought about it for a moment. "Maybe golden retriever as well."

"Yeah well, they are cute as fuck, but Socks is so clumsy, he barges in and knocks stuff over." Lexa giggled, and Clarke chuckled as well.

"Well, looks like he got his traits from his owner." Clarke laughed harder now, and she heard Lexa scoff.

"That's so not true, Clarke!" Lexa called out and Clarke let out an amused huff.

"It so is! Think, Lexa. How many times have you dropped your drink on my food, tripped over your own feet? Not to mention walking into a glass door." Clarke kept chuckling and she forgot the world around her.

Lexa grumbled something and Clarke couldn't stop laughing. "Don't worry, Woods! It's kinda cute." Clarke stated and waited for Lexa's response with a smirk.

"I'm not cute." Lexa sounded like she was pouting and Clarke couldn't stop teasing. 

"I never said you were cute. I said your clumsiness is cute."

"Oh shut up." Lexa giggled now, and it sounded so good in Clarke's ears. They kept talking for what felt like just a few minutes, but when Clarke hung up the phone, she noticed it was after 2am.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise and walked inside to get ready for bed.

For the first time in years, Clarke Griffin fell asleep within minutes, a small smile tugging at her lips.

 

* * *

 

"SOCKS, NO!" Lexa called as she ran after her dog, leaving Clarke snickering behind her. 

"Ohmygod!" Clarke gasped for air as she tried to stop laughing. It had been such a long time since she laughed this hard.

 She walked behind Lexa, who tried to get her dog out of the pond in the park, almost falling in herself, but Clarke quickly grabbed Lexa by the waist.

"Careful there." Clarke stifled another laugh and Lexa threw her a glare, giving Clarke a hard time not to laugh again.

Socks finally climbed out of the pond, tongue out of his mouth as he shook himself in order to get dry, giving Clarke and Lexa a dirty shower.

"Oh." Lexa just sighed, leaning down to grab the dog and put him back on the lash.

Clarke just kept smiling as she watched Socks licking Lexa's hands enthusiastically and how Lexa's face softened.

"Yeah, no, you good boy, just don't jump after those ducks anymore. No. No. You can't do that. No, you little cutie." Lexa pouted with a happy face in front of her dog and it was just too adorable for Clarke.

Lexa looked up at Clarke and sent her a smile, pulling Socks back on the path.

Lexa had her hair loose, in wild curls, huge sunglasses on her face in an attempt to hide her nose. She wore skinny jeans and a leather jacket, and Clarke thought she looked just perfect.

"What'ya looking at?" Lexa said, her accent obvious.

"Your giant nose." Clarke couldn't help herself, and Lexa stuck up her middle finger as Clarke bit her lip in order not to laugh again. 

"Why, oh why, did I agree to meet you again?" Lexa sighed fakely, and Clarke kept smiling, nudging the brunette's shoulder with her own.

"Because you loove me!" Clarke said, exaggerating her accent, making a ridiculous move that made Lexa chuckle.

"You are weird." Lexa shook her head with a smirk. The two walked along in silence, but it was comfortable.

"D'you wanna stay over for dinner?" Lexa asked quietly, and Clarke smiled again, nodding in Lexa's direction.

"Sure. I'll take a look at your nose then." Clarke said in all seriousness but Lexa scoffed playfully.

"I'm serious, Lexa." Clarke chuckled softly and Lexa knew she was right.

They walked through the park, and then back to Lexa's apartment, where Clarke and Socks made themselves comfortable on Lexa's couch, while Lexa went to the bathroom.

At some point, Clarke got a bit worried and walked to the bathroom, knocking softly. 

"Lexa? You okay?" Clarke tried to open the door but it was locked. She heard a muffled sound, and then Lexa opened the door, her face puffy. 

"Hey, you alright?" Clarke asked the brunette, but the green eyed woman shook her head.

"It hurts as fuck."

"What? What hurts? Your nose?" Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded, but Clarke didn't really believe her.

"Alright, let me see." Clarke just played along, not wanting to pry. She took Lexa's face between her hands and she felt something jump in her heart, though she couldn't explain why or where it came from. 

All she knew was that Lexa's cheeks were soft, and her eyes so green and her broken nose healing well. Her plump lips pouting a bit, her jawline fierce, though hidden behind Clarke's hands.

"It looks good, Lexa." Clarke stated, and Lexa looked down, forcing Clarke to let go of her face. "Lexa?" Clarke asked, and Lexa looked up into those skyblue eyes.

 

Lexa had just suddenly remembered, and the pain was fresh in her heart. Somehow, even though she didn't love Costia anymore, it still hurt, and Lexa had trouble trusting people. But Clarke? She could trust Clarke. And Clarke wasn't even her girlfriend as Costia had been. Why on earth was she feeling this way? Why all the sudden she felt the pain that Costia had cost her many months ago? Why now? She knew she could trust Clarke, because she was different. Maybe because she had been through so much, or maybe just because she was like that. Lexa knew for sure she could trust Clarke. She just needed to get over her ex. 

Lexa tried to tell herself that Clarke could be trusted as Clarke was standing in front of her, her blue eyes ever so gentle, and Lexa knew that Clarke knew she wasn't crying over her nose.

Though Clarke didn't ask; she just stood there in front of Lexa, waiting for the brunette to speak.

"I'm fine." Lexa finally spoke, her voice small as Clarke nodded. She grabbed Lexa's hand gently squeezing it, letting it go and leaving the bathroom.

Lexa sighed, leaning on the sink to look at herself in the mirror, making herself laugh sarcastically at how ridiculous she looked.

After she finally got herself together, she found Clarke grabbing her stuff.

"Hey, where are you going?" Lexa asked surprised, not expecting Clarke to leave this soon. They didn't even had dinner yet.

"I thought you might need some space." the blonde girl smiled, and Lexa felt her heart tug at how sweet the blonde was right now.

"No, no, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm done crying." Lexa said quickly, jumping in front of the door, before Clarke had a chance of leaving.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Clarke reached out slowly, her finger caressing Lexa's cheek for a millisecond, before she pulled back. 

"Uh- yea- yeah, I'm good." Lexa stuttered, overwhelmed with how Clarke treated her. The softness in her touch really made Lexa's stomach flip. Twice.

"Alright. Let's make us some dinner then?" Clarke proposed as she placed her stuff back, and she tickled Socks under his ears, something he seemed to like.

"Yeah, sure." Lexa smiled relieved, and walked to the kitchen.

"Alright, I got pasta, pasta and more pasta. Question is, which kind of pasta do you like?" Lexa asked, and Clarke shrugged.

"Pasta pesto?" Clarke proposed and Lexa nodded.

Clarke cooked dinner. Lexa watched her. They were perfectly content with just the silence, somehow it worked comforting for the both of them.

The ate in silence, and after dinner, Clarke had to go home, much to Lexa's displeasure. She liked having Clarke around.

"I'll call you." Clarke smiled, and Lexa leaned in for a hug.

It was a long hug. Longer than usual. Longer than a greeting. It was more seeking comfort in each other than greeting. It was warm and tight, welcoming and loving. 

They both needed it.


	3. Chapter 3

_'I'm already falling, I couldn't help it, didn't think of the risks. I got a problem, problem when I look in your eyes. You’re mine and you know it.’ BANKS - Under the Table_

* * *

 

 The next few days went by fast. Clarke had to work often, and when she didn't, she went to Lexa's or Lexa went to her place. Lexa's nose was healing good, and she would be going back to work soon. 

Both women had found something in each other that they didn't know they needed. Comfort. Understanding. Laughter.

They connected so well and Lexa knew she was falling for Clarke again. Hard. And Anya knew. 

Lexa was sitting on her couch the day before she had to go to work, reading a medical book, when Anya barged in.

"Alright, what's happening?" Lexa's best friend dropped herself on the couch next to Lexa and sighed tiredly. 

"Uh, nothing?" Lexa pushed her glasses further up her nose and raised an eyebrow at Anya's weird question.

"When you gonna tell her?" Anya pushed, rolling her eyes to Lexa's ignorance. 

"Gonna tell whom what?" Lexa was really confused.

"Tell Clarke that you love her?" Anya huffed in annoyance and Lexa's cheeks reddened.

"I don't love her, Anya." Lexa said and the words tasted sour as she spoke them.

"Yes you do, you moron. In fact, I don't think you ever stopped loving her." Anya's face softened as she leaned her head on Lexa's shoulder. "If I were you, I'd tell her, Lex." 

"I can't." Lexa shook her head.

"And why is that?"

"First, she's straight. Second, I don't wanna ruin our new friendship and third, even if she were into me, I'm not sure if I am ready for something like that." Lexa sighed.

"First, you don't know if she's straight. I've seen the way she looks at you. Second, you would never ruin your friendship by telling, because have you met Clarke? She would understand, she's like the sweetest person ever." Anya rolled her eyes at Lexa's weak excuses. "And third, yes you are ready. It's been a long time, Lexa, and you've always loved Clarke. Don't be a fool." 

Lexa had no idea how to respond. She knew Anya was right but she was scared. It was too soon. She had been talking to Clarke since a week again, and it felt like it was way too soon. She didn't know Clarke's struggles. She didn't know how she was feeling. Well, partially she knew, but it was hard to talk to Clarke when it came to real feelings. 

She knew Clarke was strong. She knew Clarke was selfless. She knew Clarke was hurt. She knew all that, and yet, she had the feeling she barely knew the blonde, and she wanted nothing more than to do get to know her. She wanted to know everything. She wanted to comfort the blonde and make her laugh, take her pain away for as far as she could.

But Clarke wouldn't let her in. At least not completely. And Lexa was scared that if she told Clarke she loved her, the blonde would close off even more.

"At least just talk to her, Lexa." Anya's voice woke Lexa up from her thoughts. "Just try to find out subtly how she feels about relationships. Get to know her better again." Anya knew Lexa's struggles. Lexa didn't even have to tell, Anya could just sense it.

"I don't know, Ahn." Lexa shrugged and sighed, feeling a bit lost about what she had to do with the situation.

"Just talk to her. You never know if you never try. Plus, I think it's better to regret something you did, than regretting something you never did. Just do it." Anya pushed Lexa off the couch, and made herself comfortable.

 "I hate you." Lexa huffed as she stood beside the couch.

 "Go. Asshole." Anya waved her hand, closed her eyes and within seconds she was asleep.

Lexa let out a big sigh, her cheeks filling with air as she walked to her bedroom. She threw her glasses on her bed and dropped herself on the bed as well, staring at the ceiling. Why, oh why, were feelings so scary and complicated? Why was she so afraid to just tell how she felt?

 

 

"You are weird." Raven mentioned as she drove the ambulance back to the base. Clarke was just staring out the window and had a weird goofy smile on her face.

"Thanks." Clarke mumbled absently.

"I'm serious, Clarke. What has gotten into you lately?" Raven smiled a bit, knowing the blonde felt a bit better but she feared for tomorrow. She knew that the day after this one, it was the anniversary of Clarke's parents' deaths. 

"I don't know." Clarke kept mumbling and staring out of the window.

"Does it have something to do with the fact you met Lexa?" Raven already knew the answer, as she probably knew Clarke better than the blonde knew herself.

"No." Clarke removed her gaze from outside and focussed on Raven.

"You're a bad liar, Clarke." Raven rolled her eyes and made a face, making Clarke laugh a bit.

"Alright, maybe I'm just glad that I got to make things right? And that we're friends again. Kind of missed her to be honest." Clarke fidgeted with her fingers as she thought of the green eyed brunette.

"I think it's more than that, Clarkey." Raven teased, but she wanted to make a point. Clarke was often oblivious to her own feelings, focused on others so much she forgot to listen to her own heart, and Raven was not letting Clarke making a mistake again 

Clarke scoffed playfully. "More? What on earth are you talking about? 

"I think you might be falling for her, Clarke." Raven was deadserious, and Clarke knew it. 

"Falling?" Clarke searched Raven's eyes, but the latina woman was focussing on the road in front of her.

 "Yes, Clarke. Falling. In love. You know, butterflies and all that shizzle." Raven laughed the seriousness away, not wanting to make her best friend uncomfortable.

"That's ridiculous." 

"It's not. You can't seem to stop smiling ever since you met her. You don't talk to me anymore. You visit her often. In all the time that I've known you, Clarke, the only person you ever really talked to was me. You are falling for her." Raven stated. It wasn't even a guess anymore, she knew.

When she threw her gaze at the blonde, the look on Clarke's face only confirmed what she just said.

"I can't." Clarke whispered.

"Can't, what?"

"Fall. Everybody I ever love, dies. It's a miracle that you are still alive." Clarke sniffled a bit, and Raven wished she could understand.

 "Everybody dies, Clarke."

"I don't want to talk about it, Raven." Clarke said, a bit harsher than she meant, and the blonde was glad that they were almost back at their base.

"Clarke, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault, Rae." Clarke threw a weak smile in Raven's direction as the brunette parked the wagon in the base

"I'm only trying to help you, Clarke." Raven shook her head as she climbed out of the car, and Clarke quickly followed.

"Raven, stop. I know you're trying to help, but you don't understand." Clarke tried.

"Yeah, I can't understand because you don't talk to me, Clarke. Not about the stuff that really matters. Don't you see? You're all I've got! And I know that I am that all you have. We're sisters. What happened to telling each other the truth? You stopped talking to me, and I don't know what happened!" Raven threw her hands in the air of frustration and escaped to the lockerroom, where she knew nobody would be.

She also knew Clarke would follow her there.

"Raven." Clarke's husky voice sounded sad, and Raven wishes she would've said it in a nicer way. She knew how sensitive Clarke could be.

"Clarke, I'm sorry." Raven turned around and found Clarke crying.

"Look at me, Clarke. I'm sorry. I just wish you trusted me enough to just let me know how you feel, okay? Because that can help you. It's relief, talking about heavy shit like that, you know." Raven wrapped her arms around Clarke, who was looking so small and vulnerable, it hurt Raven.

"I know." Clarke whispered. "I just don't want to bother you. I want to forget about it all."

"I don't think you could ever bother me, Clarkey. And you shouldn't forget; you should accept, and move on. That's how it works." Raven patted the blonde on her back and she felt how Clarke was clutching onto her. 

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be, Clarke. Stop apologizing. I just want you to be okay." Raven smiled a little, hoping Clarke would finally see it.

"Yeah." Clarke just said, and she removed herself from Raven's embrace. "Thank you." Clarke smiled sadly, but then, Raven saw her eyes lit up, even it was just a little bit. "I'm falling for Lexa." 

Clarke shook her head, as if she didn't even believe it herself. 

"You are."

"I am." Clarke looked at Raven, and Raven smiled. She had the feeling Clarke had finally found something that would help her. Hope. 

 

"Clarke?" Lexa knocked on the door of Clarke's apartment the night after she had to work again, but the door was open and nobody responded. Lexa was instantly worried and opened the door, stepping into Clarke's small but luxurous apartment. She had come her to tell Clarke how she felt, but she was so worried she had forgotten about her reasons.

"Clarke?" Lexa said again, looking around, but she didn't see Clarke

Then, she noticed that the door to the balcony was open. Lexa knew it was late, but she also knew that Clarke never slept early. So she stepped on the balcony and saw Clarke. Standing, leaning against the railing, her shoulders shaking a bit, and Lexa knew she was crying.

"Clarke?" she asked softly, and the blonde barely responded. Lexa didn't really know what to do. Why was Clarke crying like this?

She stood for a while and then she remembered. Today it was precisely eight years ago that Clarke's parents had died. Lexa sighed, and almost felt Clarke's pain. 

She felt the warm wind in her face as she watched Clarke from behind. The lights of the city made her only see the silhouette of Clarke, and Lexa stepped a bit closer. 

"Clarke." she just said, and she wrapped her arms around Clarke's shoulders from behind.

"Hey." Clarke's voice was husky and raspy, thick due to all her crying, and Lexa felt the blonde shaking in her arms. She also felt how Clarke leaned in, the blonde's head leaning against Lexa's shoulder.

"Eight years." Lexa just said, telling Clarke she knew the reason she was crying.

"And I'm still not over it." Clarke whispered, her hands finding Lexa's arms as she sighed, her eyes closing.

"And that's okay." Lexa smiled slightly as she looked at their view. This moment felt intimate. Too intimate, almost. But it was perfect.

   

Clarke felt warm and safe in Lexa's arms. So content, she forgot why she cried. Almost. 

Lexa touched her, and her skin was burning. Lexa touched her and she forgot the world. She forgot who she was, all she knew was Lexa. And she smiled. Very small smile, but she smiled.

And she placed her hands on Lexa's arms so the brunette wouldn't be able to let her go. 

Clarke leaned her head back, her eyes closing, smelling Lexa's flowery scent.

Remembering her parents, and Clarke sniffled again. The pain was just so evident, as if it happened yesterday. And Clarke had no idea how to move on.

"How do I..." Clarke's voice trembled as she started her question. She felt how Lexa looked at her, Lexa's face close to Clarke's cheek. The warm breath of Lexa smelled like coffee, and Clarke felt comforted.

 "Yeah?" Lexa gently encouraged Clarke to finish her question.

"How do I move on from this? Eight years, and it still feels like yesterday." Clarke cried again, unable to stop her feelings. She was so incredibly overwhelmed by all of it. She was used to crying; but she wasn't used to crying all her feelings out. Lexa seemed to have that effect on her. 

"Clarke, talk to me." Lexa said. "I don't know how to answer your question if I don't know how you've been feeling for the past eight years." Lexa shook her head softly, and felt how Clarke turned around in her arms.

 Clarke's arms snaked around Lexa's waist and Clarke buried her face in Lexa's neck. She hadn't hugged anyone like that since Finn had passed. Finn had been understanding. When Clarke was with Finn, she was feeling a little better. 

He made her feel better. And then he died too.

"Clarke..." Lexa started again, but she felt Clarke shaking her head, and looking up at Lexa.

All Clarke wanted in that moment was to kiss the brunette who was holding her. Lexa looked her her intently, but Clarke noticed that she wasn't looking at her in pity. Lexa was looking at her in admiration, her gaze strong as if she was trying to tell Clarke something. But Clarke didn't understand what the brunette was trying to say.

"I want to tell you." Clarke mumbled as her gaze dropped to Lexa's full, pink lips, that were even visible in the darkness of the night. Clarke hadn't even bothered to put on some lights when she came home.

"Then tell me." Lexa pushed a bit, but she knew she had to be gentle. Clarke was vulnerable.

"I..." Clarke started, but she didn't know how to find the words.

"Maybe we should sit down." Lexa said, as she dropped herself on the ground, ignoring the chairs and she gestured Clarke to join her.

Clarke settled next to her, while Lexa automatically wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulder and the two looked out of the city for a couple of minutes, when Clarke started talking.

"My parents were gone, and I went to college. I tried to forget them, I buried myself in work. I know it was wrong, but I didn't know how else to live." Clarke swallowed hard as she spoke. It was hard for her to talk about her life after all the shit happened. Lexa remained quiet.

"I didn't think about them. I didn't allow myself to feel anything. I started to work, a studied constantly, and I knew that if I stopped doing something, I would think about them, and I didn't want to feel that pain." Clarke sniffled hard, and she felt how Lexa pulled her closer.

"Then I met Finn. And he made me see that I had to feel something to be able to move on. He knew it would kill me if I kept going the way I was going. So he helped me. And that worked. He loved me and I loved him, and finally, I thought I was done coping with my parents' death. But then, one night, the doorbell rang. We were together for two years, and I was waiting for him at home. We had just moved in together." Clarke's breath hitched in her throat as she thought back to that night. She never really thought about it, she tried not to.

"It was the police. Finn had been in an accident, just like my parents. He had died on the way to the hospital. At first, I thought it was a joke, but then I had to identify him. I remember that I saw him, in that morgue and I knew how my world just crashed down. Everything I ever worked for, it disappeared. I fainted." Clarke shook her head. She remembered it so well, and it hurt her so much.

"After that, I was done. I was done loving people, because it felt like everyone I loved, died. I quit medschool. I joined the training program to become a paramedic. I met Raven, and I let her in, and strangely enough she's still alive." Clarke let out a sarcastic laugh and she felt Lexa stiffen, but didn't comment on it.

"Raven is the only one I talked to. I ignored men who hit on me. When Finn died, the pain was too much. I cried every day, but the pain never stopped. The fear that Raven would die never left. I was angry, all the time, but I never showed it. Not even to Raven. That anger also never stopped. I'm angry with myself, for loving Finn, because if I hadn't loved him, he would still be alive. I just.... never managed to get over it." Clarke sighed and it was as if the weight of the world was lifted from her shoulders. 

Never, had she told anyone about this and Lexa had managed to get it out of her, without pushing too hard. And it made Clarke smile just slightly. She knew she loved Lexa. She knew she did. But she also knew it was so hard not to think about the fact that also Lexa could die. She just couldn't bare the thought of losing someone else. If she did, she was sure she would die too.

And she wanted to badly just to become her old self. For eight years, she had been someone, based on hatred, based on pain, and she just wanted to be someone with real feelings. Feelings of happiness, of feeling home, and she never felt that way. She always felt guilty, and she was so angry with the world.

But she hid it. She hid how she felt, she played as if she was fine, even though Raven saw right through her. She tried to help people as much as she could to relieve the pain, but it didn't work. Not permanently.

"Just tell me if I overstep, Clarke, but can I just tell you something?" Lexa whispered as she leaned her head on Clarke's.

"Yeah, of course." Clarke smiled slightly, not surprised with the way Lexa handled her story. Others would say; 'I'm so sorry' or 'one day the pain will fade'. No, Lexa just did it in her own unique way, something that was refreshing for Clarke. 

"Alright, here we go." Lexa breathed in deeply, and she started talking. "Shit happens to all of us. I'm not saying that what happened to me is worse than what happened to you, because it isn't. Not by a long shot. But what I'm trying to say is that we should move on. All of us. I had a girlfriend a while back and she hurt me badly. I couldn't really trust anyone anymore, but I fought to get over that. It's still a fresh scar, Clarke, but we all have scars.

 If we don't move on, what do we live for? When I see how broken you are, it just hurts. Because I know how happy you can be, and I believe that the old Clarke is still in there.

You asked me how to move on from this. I think you should let yourself feel it all. Feel it all, feel your anger, feel your guilt, all of it. And be happy for the memories you have, because no one can take those away from you. Accept that you will never see them again and focus on what you do have.

 Just don't be sad for what's gone, but be grateful for what has been." Lexa was still talking and she tried not to hurt Clarke's feelings more, but she felt how Clarke shuffled closer, listening intently.

"You've had an amazing childhood. You've had a great relationship with that Finn guy. Remember that. Move on. But I think, most of all, you shouldn't do it alone. You never talked to anybody, and I really think you should, Clarke. I think that if someone knows what you're going through, that really helps. I think you should stop thinking about death and start thinking about life." Lexa finally felt like she was finished with her speech and she prayed that Clarke would understand what she was saying.

When Lexa looked down at Clarke, she noticed the blonde was crying.

"Oh my god, I overstepped, didn't I?" Lexa wanted to hit herself in the face but Clarke looked up with watery eyes and shook her head with a sad smile.

"No, you didn't, not at all. You just told me what I needed to hear." and Clarke broke down again. Her complete weight against Lexa, as if she had surrendered to it all. Lexa knew Clarke was too stubborn all these years. And now, Clarke was letting herself feel it all, like Lexa told her to.

And all Lexa did was holding Clarke.

"And Clarke?" Lexa said while she looked up at the sky, trying to count the stars. 

"Yeah?" Clarke's eyes were so blue when Lexa looked at her, so blue, so exposed, Lexa knew for sure she loved Clarke.

"Look up." Lexa pointed to the sky. "I think, that your parents are still alive. I think that Finn is still alive. In your heart. In your memories." Lexa said, while she saw how Clarke's gaze focussed on the stars.

"And maybe," she added. "..maybe, they are watching over you, right now." 

Clarke smiled. She smiled for the first time in eight years, she smiled so widely, that she felt her cheeks hurt. And she started laughing.

"You're better than a shrink, Lexa." Clarke chuckled and she saw Lexa's confused look, but the brunette quickly adjusted and started laughing as well. And all Clarke knew was Lexa's laughter.

 Her shy, but genuine laugh. The sound of her voice, so uncontrolled and happy. Her eyes closed, her nose wrinkled as her lips were spread widely and her tongue was peaking through her teeth as the woman chuckled.

"You should really let people in, Clarke. It helps." Lexa managed to say when she tried to stop laughing.

"Yeah." Clarke just said as she stood up from the floor. She turned her back to Lexa and leaned on the railing again. She took a deep breath. It really felt good to tell Lexa all that. She knew she didn't really want to talk about it anymore, but this had been such a good talk, she was sure she didn't really need to talk about it any time soon.

Though she knew it was still a long road. The pain was fresh, and she knew she had to allow herself to feel it all. But she wasn't alone in this.

Lexa joined Clarke, standing next to her, their arms touching as they watched the lights in the dark night, the air still warm from day. 

Lexa wasn't really sure when it was time to leave, but Clarke quickly took that thought away.

"You can stay here if you want. I mean, I would like that." Clarke looked down at her hands shyly. "I like having you around."

"Of course." Lexa smiled happily, placing her hand atop of Clarke's. The blonde locked her eyes with Lexa's, and Lexa's breath hitched in her throat as she saw Clarke's eyes.

So blue. So open. Lexa could see right into Clarke's soul. And the funny thing was, Clarke didn't have that heavy look anymore. She looked better, as if she was more happy, and Lexa was surprised that she had been the one to cause that. She had no idea she had such big influence on the blonde.

"Shall we go sleep then?" Clarke proposed, and Lexa nodded, walking inside as she dropped herself on the couch.

"What are you doing?" Clarke turned on some lights and she saw Lexa snuggling up on the couch.

"You wanted me to stay?" Lexa asked, unsure of what Clarke meant. 

"Yeah, but not on the couch, you idiot. You can sleep in my bed."

"With you in it?" Lexa's eyes got wide, and Clarke chuckled a bit at the innocence of the moment.

"Yes, Lexa, with me in it. We're both adults, but I think we can manage a sleep-over. It's a queensized bed, now come on. I'm not letting my guest sleep on my crappy couch." Clarke walked to Lexa and extended her hand.

Lexa gladly took it. "Your couch is better than mine, though." she mumbled and Clarke just smiled.

The blonde gave Lexa some pj's and she went to the bathroom herself to give Lexa some privacy.

She leaned on her sink and looked in the mirror and was really touched by what she saw. Her body looked bad, neglected even. But her eyes sparkled. Her eyes hadn't sparkled like this since she was a teenager. She felt so relieved, as if she had finally found a way out of her mess. 

She put on her pj's as she realised what Lexa had caused, and she smiled when she found the brunette already in her bed, Lexa's cheeks a bit reddish from shyness.

"Don't know which side is yours." Lexa gestured awkwardly around her and Clarke just giggled a bit. 

"I'll take the right side." Clarke laughed and she saw how Lexa shuffled to her side of the bed and Clarke slipped in, lying on her left side to face Lexa. 

Lexa mirrored her actions, and the two were facing each other, their bodies only inches apart.

"Thank you." Clarke whispered.

"For what?" Lexa asked.

"For telling me what I needed to hear. For being here."

"That's what friends do, Clarke." Lexa told her, but the word 'friends' bothered her slightly. She saw how Clarke shifted a bit closer in the dark, and soon, the brunette felt an arm wrap around her waist, pulling her closer.

"Is this okay? I kinda like cuddling, but I haven't done it in years." Clarke's voice sounded soft and slightly vulnerable, and Lexa melted under the sound.

"Of course." she smiled and she wrapped her own arm around Clarke, feeling the warmth of Clarke's body radiate through her own body. It's weird what another person can do to you, Lexa thought as she smiled, feeling Clarke's head bury in her neck.

 

Soon, the two were fast asleep, smiles on both their faces.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me a while to upload again, but I hope I'll remember to post the rest of the story in the next few weeks. Have been really busy.
> 
> Enjoy!

_'Wishing you were here with me, your scent still hunts my lips so slowly. Together, we are symmetry.” Nicole Millar - Tremble_  

* * *

 

Lexa was the first to wake up. She found herself entangled with the blonde and she couldn't really place which limbs were her own. The warmth of Clarke's body made her sigh contently, and she smiled when she remembered the previous night.

Her talk with Clarke was good, and she was sure that Clarke needed that. And all Lexa could think about was how happy Clarke had looked.

Lexa sighed happily again and opened her eyes, blowing some of her hair out of her face. Or rather, Clarke's hair.

The blonde's face was buried in Lexa's chest, her hair sprawled all over the brunette, and Lexa felt how Clarke was lying on top of her. She tightened her grip slightly around the blonde and tried not to move, enjoying the feeling of being so close.

In high school, she only dreamt about something like this. Now, it was reality, but Lexa wasn't sure what kind of reality this was.

She didn't know if Clarke was just seeking comfort, or that the blonde was equally as attracted to Lexa as Lexa was to her. She didn't know.

And Lexa knew she had to wait until she would tell Clarke. She knew it was too soon, their friendship and trust too vulnerable to even think about it. She knew they had to build their comfort, and spend more time together, something she really wanted.

All she could do was hoping that Clarke felt the same way.

 

After half an hour of lying in the bed, Lexa felt Clarke stir, and she heard a sleepy moan that did more things to her than she'd like to admit.

"Hey there, sleepy head." Lexa smirked when Clarke raised her head to look at the brunette.

Clarke smiled her old crooked smile, and for a moment, Lexa thought they were back in high school. Where they were carefree, and all they worried about was boys, girls and grades. And it felt good. 

"Hey there." Clarke dropped her head again, feeling at ease in the brunette's arms, and she inhaled Lexa's subtle, but nice scent. Lexa's skin was warm, and Clarke had missed this feeling.

It had been years since she'd been this close to anyone. And she definitely couldn't deny how good it felt. Especially because it was with Lexa.

"I'm so tired." Clarke yawned, and she removed herself from Lexa, already missing the brunette's warmth against her own body. "And hungry." she added while she climbed out of the bed, offering her hand to Lexa, only to find that Lexa was asleep again. 

With a gentle smile, Clarke took in the sight. Lexa looked beautiful, even with her sleepy face and her messy hair. Her limbs sprawled around her randomly. Her pink lips tugged in a small smile as she breathed evenly. 

Clarke smiled again as she walked out the bedroom to make herself and Lexa some breakfast. It was still early and they both had to work, but she knew they still had some time.

She remembered the food Lexa liked from high school and based the breakfast on that, and when she was finished, she went back into her bedroom to climb on the bed, sit next to Lexa with her back against the headbord, and she gently nudged the brunette in her shoulder. 

"Hey. Wake up. I made us breakfast." she mumbled as she felt how Lexa stirred, but the brunette swatted her hand away.

 "No. No, dad, not yet." she mumbled in her sleepy state and Clarke let out a snort.

"Lexa." she nudged the brunette again, and this time, Lexa woke up, immediately moving her gaze to Clarke's eyes.

Clarke swallowed when again, she noticed how green Lexa's eyes were, and she smiled as she saw how Lexa sighed happily.

"Who's the sleepy head now, huh?" Clarke teased as she tried to climb off the bed, but Lexa stopped her. 

"No." Lexa tugged the blonde by her side, wrapping her arms around Clarke, and the blonde was truly surprised by her actions. 

"What is it?" Clarke raised an eyebrow as she made herself comfortable in the tight grip of Lexa.

"I'm cold." Lexa mumbled as she closed her eyes, not aware in her sleepy state of how intimate her actions actually were.

Clarke smiled, but felt herself panic inside. She couldn't help it, she really couldn't. She just wasn't ready for someone new in her life, even though she wanted it so badly. She still had the fear of Lexa dying, and she just couldn't imagine her life without Lexa, who was slowly becoming more than just a good friend and it scared the hell out of her.

"Lexa, I'm hungry." Clarke stated, a little more harsh than she meant.

She regretted her words immediately as Lexa pulled her arms back as if she had just touched fire. The brunette shot up and realised what she had done and slapped herself mentally.

"I'm sorry, Clarke, I..." Lexa started, but Clarke shook her head as she stood up.

"No, I'm sorry, it's my fault." Clarke shrugged, her face painfully staring at the ground. Lexa didn't deserve to be treated like that. But what else could she do? Let Lexa in? She couldn't. She really just couldn't. 

"I have to go." Lexa mumbled as she quickly grabbed her stuff and disappeared in Clarke's bedroom to change clothes. Once she locked the door, she felt tears streaming down her face. 

"What the fuck did I do?" Lexa whispered to herself as she tried not to cry, and she put her clothes on. She knew she went too far. She knew she crossed a line, and she knew she couldn't uncross it. 

Clarke didn't want her. It was clear. And Lexa wanted nothing more but to get out of the blonde's apartment.

Lexa looked in the mirror, making sure there were no signs that she had just been crying and she appeared again, only to grab her bag and walk out of the bedroom.

 

Clarke was waiting for her in the kitchen, with some pancakes on two plates, and Lexa melted at the sight.

"I made you pancakes." Clarke's voice was small, and Lexa felt guilty, but she had to leave. She needed to breathe. And she couldn't do that when Clarke was near her. She needed time to think. 

"I gotta go." Lexa whispered as she stepped a bit closer. Clarke dropped her gaze to the floor, and Lexa took one plate and placed it on the counter.

"I'm sorry, Lexa." Clarke said again, her voice so small, so vulnerable, and Lexa knew she felt guilty as well. 

"Clarke, it's fine, really. I have to go, alright?" Lexa mumbled as she felt her heart break when she saw the disappointment and hurt in Clarke's eyes. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Clarke's cheek, turned around and left the apartment.

She didn't know how Clarke cried softly as the blonde threw the pancakes away. She didn't know how the blonde went back to bed and called in sick.

 

 Neither of the women took initiative in texting the other until Raven was getting sick of Clarke's mood.

"Damn it, Griffin, talk to her already." the brunette rolled her eyes as Clarke buried herself in the passenger chair in the ambulance, after they just brought a patient to the hospital.

"Talk to whom?" Clarke's voice was small as she avoided Raven's gaze.

"Santa Clause. No, Lexa, you chickenshit." Raven had enough of Clarke's behaviour. "I don't know what happened between you two, but fix it." Raven placed her hand on Clarke's arm to make the blonde listen to her.

"I can't." Clarke grumbled, and Raven rolled her eyes again.

"Yes you can. And you will. She's not just gonna die like Finn and your parents, Clarke, and you will always be alone if you don't grow over it." Raven sighed, and she hoped that Clarke would finally be able to move on. Ever since she had Lexa she'd changed, and Raven had seen it. But now she was back to her old self, maybe even worse than before.

"Talk to her, Clarke." Raven pushed again, and she knew she had to.

Clarke just nodded weakly.

 

The day went by slowly, and Clarke was distracted. Raven was just glad that they barely had to get out, and she tried to comfort the blonde, but Clarke refused to admit she wasn't fine.

Clarke felt horrible. She had treated Lexa like crap. Why? Because she was scared.

Raven was right. She needed to get over it, but the fear was eating Clarke inside. But she also knew everyone had to die at some point. She knew she had to live with that. She knew she couldn't do it again, but maybe she had to. It was out of her control.

So when the day was over, Clarke silently drove to Lexa's apartment, fumbling with the steering wheel out of nerves. She had no idea what to say. Maybe Lexa was still mad, or upset, and Clarke had no idea if she could make it right. 

She parked her car, and stared into the darkness for several minutes, until she found the courage to finally get out of the car and walk to Lexa's front door.

It took her several heavy breaths before she was finally able to ring Lexa's doorbell.

 

"Clarke." Lexa smiled a bright smile as she opened the door. The blonde looked more vulnerable than she had ever been, and Lexa didn't hesitate when she wrapped her arms around the other woman. 

"Lexa..." Clarke breathed, her eyes wide in surprise, but she quickly returned the hug. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." 

"Clarke, it's alright." Lexa smiled as she nudged her face in Clarke's shoulder, her arms tightly around the blonde's waist, holding her close.

"No, it's not. I was acting like a fool." Clarke almost cried, but she was done crying. She was done feeling bad. She was just done with it.

"Clarke, drop it." Lexa said sternly as she buried herself deeper in the warm embrace. She needed this. After so many days of not talking to Clarke, she needed this. Not being able to talk to her drove her crazy, to say the least.

"Let's take a walk." Lexa mumbled, and she removed herself from the blonde and grabbed her hand, walking into the direction of the park. 

Once they were in the park, Lexa realised they were completely alone, since it was past midnight. But she didn't mind.

She found a small field of grass and dropped herself on it, settling to lie down underneath the stars and waited for Clarke to join her.

"Hey." Clarke whispered as she was lying close next to Lexa, their arms hooked, their bodies pressed against the other while they looked up to the sky. 

"Hey." Lexa responded, not removing her gaze from the darkness above her. She felt Clarke lying close, and her heartbeat sped up.

"How is it, that talking to you is so much easier than talking to anybody else?" Clarke mumbled more to herself as she looked at the brunette, admiring her facial profile. The long, but subtle nose, the plump lips. Lexa was so beautiful, and Clarke swallowed lightly.

"I don't know, Clarke." Lexa whispered, and she looked down at Clarke slightly. "But I still don't think that talking to me is enough. Maybe you should seek help?" Lexa tried carefully, and Clarke smiled at her. 

"I think that maybe I should." Clarke nodded and moved her gaze back to the stars. "So you really think they're up there?" she was almost afraid for the answer.

"Yeah, I do." Lexa said with confidence. She'd like to think that the older Griffin's were up there. She may not have known them so well, but she knew they were the good people. The kind ones.

Clarke didn't respond. She just remained quiet while she stared up, feeling Lexa close. That's how they spent a couple of hours in the night. Until Clarke found Lexa asleep, the brunette's face leaning against Clarke's shoulder. 

Clarke just smiled slightly, and she felt grateful for the brunette. Lexa was just different. And Clarke couldn't explain how or why, she just was. She made Clarke feel comfortable and safe.

 

She nudged the brunette in the shoulder, and Lexa woke up quickly, looking around her with a confused look on her face.

"We should go home." Clarke smiled at Lexa's innocence, and the brunette nodded.

Lexa got up before Clarke did, and she offered her hand that Clarke gladly took, and the blonde pulled herself up. She ended up pressed against the brunette, their hands still entangled between their bodies. Their noses almost touching, Clarke couldn't help but feel excited. 

She looked Lexa in her eyes, that were even shining in the darkness. Her gaze dropped to Lexa's full lips, and just when she was about to give and kiss the brunette, Lexa pulled back. 

"Oh." Clarke managed to mumble when Lexa gently pulled her back to her apartment.

Their walk was quiet. Neither of them spoke, so deep in their own thoughts, they almost forgot about the others presence.

Almost.

Lexa was well aware of the warm, soft, small hand in her own. It felt so good. It felt like home.

Once they arrived back at Lexa's apartment, Clarke already stopped walking.

"I should go home." Clarke mumbled, grabbing now both of Lexa's hands. "Thank you." she said, leaning her forehead against Lexa's. She could feel the brunette's breath blending with her own, something small but intimate.

"You're welcome, Clarke. Just please remember that I am here for you, okay?" Lexa smiled as she loosened her hands from Clarke's grip and pulled the other woman in for a hug.

"I won't. And I am here for you, you know. And I'm sorry everything's been about me lately. I really want to change that." Clarke whispered while her own arms snaked around Lexa's small waist.

"Clarke, that's okay. It'll be okay." Lexa reminded the blonde. 

Then, Clarke let her go, pressed a gentle kiss on Lexa's cheek and the blonde disappeared into the darkness. 

Lexa sighed, turned around and entered her apartment, only to fall asleep on her bed with her clothes still on.


	5. Chapter 5

_'Hear you, falling and lonely, cry out: Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope? At the end of the day it will help us. Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?’ Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Someone to Stay_

 

 

 

“So? Have you talked to her?” Raven asked as she pushed the blonde into the locker room at their base.

Clarke didn’t answer, she just sent Raven a knowing smile and the Latina girl wiggled her eyebrows.

“Does she know?” Raven asked, still wanting Clarke to tell Lexa how she feels, but Clarke shook her head.

“No. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet, Raven.” Clarke honestly said as she sat down on one of the benches in the room.

Raven decided to be an adult for once and sat down next to her best friend, wrapping her arm around Clarke’s shoulder.

“You should tell her as soon as you are ready, Clarke. I think she might be just worth it.”

Clarke nodded at that. 

“I know she’s worth it, Raven. She’s different.” Clarke mumbled as she leaned in Raven’s embrace.

Raven just smiled at that. She was happy that Clarke finally realized that moving on was better instead of dwelling on the past, and Clarke was really doing well.

She was gaining a bit of weight, not too much, but enough to look healthy again. Her dark circles had somewhat faded and her dull eyes were sparkling, something Raven had never seen before and it made her almost as happy as Clarke was nowadays.

 Just when Clarke was about to say more, the alarm sounded, the sign for them that they had to leave.

“Let’s go save some lives, Clarkey.” Raven smirked as she stood up, offering the blonde her hand.

  

“Incoming ambulance, two minutes away.” Jackson stated and Lexa and him put on their surgical gowns, caps and gloves.

Lexa found herself wondering if Clarke would be the one in the ambulance, a stupid habit she’d picked up since the beginning.

She hated herself for only thinking about the blonde, instead of focusing on saving lives.

When the ambulance came, Lexa smirked when she saw Clarke jumping out of the back, but the blonde didn’t look all too happy.

 “We lost him on the way.” She sighed heavily as Lexa and Jackson quickly helped the blonde to get the dead man out of the vehicle, and Jackson indeed stated that he had died on the way.

Lexa saw how Raven jumped out the front but focussed on Clarke.

“You okay?” she asked gently, and Clarke nodded, and Lexa knew she wasn’t okay.

“Come by tonight?” Lexa whispered. She had work to do, and so had Clarke.

The blonde just nodded while Lexa pressed a quick kiss on Clarke’s cheek before disappearing after Jackson into the ER.

Raven joined Clarke at the exit of the ambulance, where the blonde was just staring at all the blood that had spilled. 

“Come on, Clarke. We should go back and clean this thing.” Raven pulled the blonde into a short hug, knowing how bad Clarke could feel after losing someone on the job. 

“He’s dead.” Clarke just said, and Raven nodded.

“He is, Clarke. You did everything you could, I know that and you know that.”

Clarke just nodded vaguely, just glad that she had seen Lexa, even though it had been for only a minute. The brunette somehow always managed to make Clarke feel better, even though if it was just her presence around the blonde.

“Let’s go.” Raven made sure they were ready to go back to base, when they were being called for another incident, something big. 

“Shit Clarke, go clean it on the way, we have no time!” the Latina woman called out as she already jumped behind the wheel. 

Clarke snapped out of her daze, knowing she had to concentrate on her work, and jumped in the back.

 

It had been another big accident, and Clarke was tired. She really was tired.

Not just from the hard work, but being surrounded by death all the time.

 She knew she did it for a good cause, but still, it took a toll on her, Clarke now noticed.

She was doing better, she really was, but losing someone on the job just reminded her of her old life.

And she didn’t want that. But she wanted to save lives. She knew that she could help people, and Clarke sighed when she reminded herself what she did it for.

She did it so others wouldn’t have to feel the way she felt. But that was useless if the patient wasn’t saveable. She just had to be strong. 

She was glad when the day was finally over, happy that she could soon talk to Lexa again. She had missed the brunette throughout the afternoon and evening, and couldn’t wait to just see those green eyes again. 

That’s why she hurried her way home, leaving Raven with a smirk on her face. 

 

“Hey.” Lexa smiled softly as she saw Clarke standing at her frontdoor, already stepping aside to let the blonde in. 

As soon as the door was closed, Clarke pulled Lexa into an unexpected tight hug.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what is this for?” Lexa chuckled softly as she returned the warm hug.

“I just had a long day and I just..” Clarke sighed, closing her eyes as she held Lexa closer for longer than she intended. “I just needed you.” She whispered after, and Lexa’s heart jumped when she heard Clarke speak. 

“I think I needed you too.” Lexa smiled as she gently unwrapped herself from Clarke’s embrace. Though she grabbed Clarke’s hand and lead her to the couch, where she pushed Clarke onto, walking to the kitchen and yelling if Clarke wanted a drink. 

“BEER!” Clarke yelled back as Socks just jumped on her lap. She smiled as he cuddled close, even though he was big and clumsy. 

“Hey cutie.” Clarke just mumbled as she started to rub his head, his eyes closing as he nudged his face into Clarke’s stomach. 

“Yeah, you are one hell of a fluffy dog, aren’t you? Yeah, I like you very much, you are the sweetest thing ever.” Clarke laughed to herself as she heard herself talk to the dog. “Well, not the sweetest, but one of the sweetest things.” She quickly added in a whisper.

She didn’t notice how Lexa was leaning against the wall near the kitchen, watching Clarke’s every move from behind the blonde.

She smiled when she made her way over to Clarke, and settled next to her on the couch, close, with the excuse of petting her own dog.

Their legs and shoulders touched and Lexa really couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

“Movie?” Lexa proposed as she pressed a kiss onto Socks’ head. Clarke nodded.

“Yes please, I could use the distraction.” She sighed deeply as she dropped her head on Lexa’s shoulder while continuing playing with Socks’ fluffy hair.

Lexa just smiled as she grabbed the remote and started Netflix on her TV.

They decided on a cheesy romcom, but neither woman minded. They just absentmindedly watched the screen, until Clarke felt Lexa’s head drop on her own.

Socks was lying on top of both of them, the three of them cuddling on the couch while Clarke figured Lexa had fallen asleep. 

Smiling, she closed her own eyes and drifted asleep quickly.

 

Lexa woke up from wetness in her face. Was Clarke licking her?!

She almost shot up when she remembered Socks, and remained still, only opening her eyes to see indeed Socks licking her face.

“Hey, buddy.” She mumbled while she tickled him behind his ears.

“About time you woke up.” Now Lexa did shoot up, waking Clarke roughly in the process. 

“Anya! Damn it, don’t sneak up on us like that.” Lexa complained as she groaned, sending an apologetic glare into Clarke’s direction.

 The blonde rubbed her eyes and shrugged. She knew Anya, and she smirked when she saw the taller blonde standing in the room.

 “Hey, Ahn.” Clarke waved awkwardly as Lexa made her way to Anya while Clarke remained on the couch with Socks, silently sending sweet words into his ear, while Lexa dragged Anya to her bedroom.

“What the fuck, Ahn. Don’t ever creep up on us again.” Lexa groaned in embarrassment, especially after seeing Anya’s smug grin.

“You two are getting cosy.” Anya just said while she dropped herself on her bed. “And you knew I was coming home tonight, so don’t pretend like it’s my fault.”

“Whatever.” Lexa rolled her eyes, already wanting to go back to Clarke, missing the blonde’s warmth, pouting a bit.

“You told her yet?” Anya grabbed a magazine and pretended she wasn’t interested, while Lexa shook her head.

“Soon.”

“Go get her, tiger.” Anya teased as Lexa threw a pillow into her direction and left Anya’s room.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” Lexa shrugged. “Want to take a walk?”

Even though it was already past midnight, neither girl really minded going to the park to walk with Socks.

So Clarke removed herself from the couch and the two women silently walked in the dark to the park, something which had become a familiar routine in both their lives.

Lexa almost automatically grabbed Clarke’s hand and Clarke smiled in the darkness. The warmth of Lexa’s hand was more than welcome.

Lexa made her feel strangely safe. It was such a good feeling and Clarke didn’t know if she wanted to get used to it or not.

She did. She really wanted to. She just had to allow herself, but she knew she wasn’t just ready yet. 

She knew that Lexa loved her the way Clarke loved her. She had seen it over and over in the brunette’s eyes and it comforted Clarke in ways she didn’t know she could be comforted.

It was a strange feeling, being in love. And knowing what she knew now, she just felt like it was different from Finn.

 Sure, she had loved Finn with her whole heart, and at the time she had been convinced that he was the one for her, but now, Clarke knew that Lexa was more than that.

 She connected with Lexa on a higher level, though Clarke didn’t know how, or why, it was just there.

But she knew that she loved that feeling, even though the fear was still present.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Lexa mumbled as she gently squeezed Clarke’s hand.

“Just thinking about today.” Clarke smiled slightly while she softly bumped Lexa’s shoulder with her own. 

“You doing okay? You seemed upset today after that man died.” Lexa stated carefully.

“Yeah, I was, but I’m not upset anymore.” Clarke just said while she turned around. She was getting cold and she wanted to go home.

 Not because she didn’t want to be with Lexa; no, she wanted to be alone to think, and she couldn’t do that when Lexa was near her.

“How are _you_ doing?” Clarke asked in return and Lexa was slightly surprised by her question.

“I’m okay.” She just shrugged. Honestly, Lexa hadn’t been really busy with herself lately, she just focused on the blonde next to her.

“Are you sure? You look tired?” Clarke said. Lexa may be looking happy, but she looked tired as well. Clarke knew that Lexa worked hard, and that almost all the time she had left, she dedicated to Clarke, and Clarke didn’t want that. She didn’t want Lexa to sacrifice so much for her, she had to think about herself as well.

“No, I’m good, really, don’t worry about me.” Lexa just smiled. 

“Lexa, I told you before, that I want to be there for you too, as you have been there for me. You can tell me if something is bothering you.” Clarke smiled while she stopped walking.

She stood for a while, scanning Lexa’s face, and she pulled the brunette in a hug.

“Thank you so much, Lexa, for being there for me all the time, but you gotta think of yourself too, okay?” she whispered in the brunette’s ear, causing shivers to run down Lexa’s spine and the brunette found herself melting into the embrace, burying her face in Clarke’s warm neck. 

“I guess I’m just tired of working all the time. I know I have to work hard to become a surgeon, but sometimes I just don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve been working my whole fucking life and it tires the shit out of me.” Lexa then says, honestly confessing how she feels.

“Then take it easy.” Clarke simply said, pulling back, placing a small kiss on Lexa’s nose and grabbing the brunette’s hand to guide her home. 

“I can’t. I have to work, I need the money.” Lexa shrugged. She did love her work, but sometimes it was a bit much for her, and Clarke could feel it.

“Don’t let work take over your life.” The blonde just said and Lexa smiled.

“I got you to stop me from that.” Lexa just mumbled, and Clarke grinned from ear to ear.

“That’s good to hear, Lexa.” Clarke responded as she let go of Lexa’s hand when they arrived Lexa’s apartment.

“I’m going home, gotta get some sleep. See you tomorrow?” Clarke asked carefully, and Lexa nodded happily.

“I’ll come to your place.” Lexa smiled as she gave Clarke a kiss on the cheek, lingering for a moment longer than appropriate. 

“Goodnight, Lexa.”

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

 

The next day went by too slow. Both girls couldn’t really wait to see the other again, and they were both relieved when their shift was over. 

Lexa texted Clarke with the question when the blonde was available, and Clarke sent one back immediately, telling Lexa that she could come over whenever she wanted. 

So, Lexa quickly walked Socks and then left for Clarke’s apartment.

She found the blonde on her balcony, watching the sunset over the city.

“Hey.” Lexa smiled as she placed herself close to the blonde, their sides pressed against each other.

“Hey.” Clarke smiled, and Lexa admired her beauty.

Clarke had her eyes closed, her loose, blonde wavy hair softly waving in the warm wind as Clarke wore the most beautiful smile on her face Lexa had ever seen.

She knew she had to tell Clarke soon. She wanted Clarke to know that she was loved. She couldn’t hold it to herself anymore, she just needed to express herself.

It was as if Clarke could sense what she was thinking, and she turned to the brunette, wrapping her arms around the brunette’s shoulders, pulling her into a hug.

Somehow, this hug was different. It was as if Clarke was trying to tell Lexa something.

The blonde held Lexa tightly, though gentle.

Her nose pressed in Lexa’s neck, her breaths unsteady as she shivered slightly. 

“You okay?” Lexa asked and Clarke pulled back slightly, her hands connecting behind Lexa’s neck.

 They didn’t need words in that moment. Lexa just looked into Clarke’s deep blue eyes, and saw something that made her heart flutter in her chest. Clarke was looking at her with that sparkle in her eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, and Clarke pressed their hips slightly together as she threw her head in her neck to take a deep breath.

Lexa was also still holding her, and swallowed when she saw Clarke’s exposed neck, and she just couldn’t help herself.

She closed her own eyes, leaning a bit closer, her lips ghosting on Clarke’s exposed skin, and Lexa inhaled the blonde’s scent. She felt Clarke shivering under her touch. 

She felt how Clarke pulled her closer just slightly, and Lexa really had no control over herself, starting to kiss her way up to Clarke’s jaw, when Clarke dropped her head again and Lexa’s lips were glued to the blonde’s cheek.

Lexa felt how Clarke’s hands started playing with the baby hairs in her neck and Lexa couldn’t help but feeling goosebumps everywhere while her skin tingled underneath Clarke’s touch.

“Can I kiss you?” Lexa asked carefully while she searched for doubt in Clarke’s eyes, but she didn’t find it. 

Clarke just nodded, the sparkle still there, the smile plastered on her face while she pulled Lexa closer again, and the brunette let out a shaky breath.

Slowly, Lexa closed the gap between them, giving Clarke the opportunity to pull back.

But she didn’t. 

Lexa’s eyes moving between Clarke’s incredibly blue eyes and her pink lips. Then, both women closed their eyes, their breathes gently being blown in the others’ face.

 And Lexa knew she would remember this moment forever. The moment where their lips first touched. 

Lexa opened her eyes.

She just watched how happy Clarke looked, even with her eyes closed, waiting for Lexa to press their lips together.

So she did. 

Gently.

Slowly, her lips connected with Clarke’s, and Lexa knew that that was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Clarke’s soft lips, so soft on her own, driving Lexa crazy as she gently moved her own lips. 

She felt how Clarke pulled her impossibly close, their bodies pressed together, how the blonde took Lexa’s bottom lip between her own, and Lexa really couldn’t help herself when she let out a small moan, making Clarke smile.

 The kiss was incredibly intimate, nothing like they’d ever felt before.

There wasn’t need for more, they were perfectly content with just sharing this moment in each others arms, and Lexa sighed happily when Clarke kissed her again after gasping for breath.

At some point, Clarke slightly opened her mouth and Lexa felt how her warm, soft tongue asked for permission to enter, and Lexa shuddered when she felt it slide into her own mouth.

Clarke was so gentle. So sweet and so soft, and Lexa just couldn’t get enough. 

They kissed for what felt like hours, and when they pulled back, they both had smiles on their faces as wide as the ocean.

“I’m tired.” Clarke whispered as she leaned her forehead against Lexa’s, her lips slightly bruised from their kisses.

 “Let’s get some sleep then.” Lexa whispered back, but neither girl moved.

They were just standing there, in each other’s arms, savouring each other’s presence.

Then, Clarke removed herself from Lexa, and the brunette already missed her warmth, but Clarke grabbed her hand and took her to her bedroom.

The two changed into their pj’s, and slid into bed, immediately tucking themselves in, pressed together as their limbs entangled.

 “Goodnight, Lexa.” Clarke smiled, pressing a kiss against Lexa’s jaw.

“Goodnight, Clarke.” Lexa, smiled, pecking Clarke on the lips slowly as she closed her eyes, sighing in relief.

 Clarke had kissed her back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys, been busy busy busy.....
> 
> Here it is, a new chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

_‘I don’t want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck. Don’t you see me I, I think I’m falling, I think I’m falling for you.’ The 1975 – Fallingforyou_

* * *

 

 Clarke woke up slightly confused, but that was soon taken away when she felt Lexa’s bodywarmth against her own. She smiled when she gently sniffed Lexa’s scent, probably tickling her in her neck, because the brunette stirred in the blonde’s arms.

“Hey.” Lexa smiled her sleepy smile, her voice raspy and her eyes barely opening, though she was still the most beautiful woman Clarke had ever seen.

Clarke smiled when she remembered high school. Back then she always thought Lexa was a beautiful girl, but now? She had grown into such a beautiful, stunning woman, time did her well, and Clarke couldn’t stop herself from smiling.

“What are you all goofy about?” Lexa mumbled as she tucked Clarke closer, though she was a bit scared that Clarke was going to freak out again so she let the blonde go, just a bit, to give her the space.

Her heart raced in her chest as she waited for Clarke’s response.

It surprised her.

Clarke snuggled closer, throwing her leg over Lexa’s, pressing a kiss against Lexa’s chin and cupping the brunette’s cheek while nudging her nose onto her other cheek.

Lexa sighed happily, relieved that Clarke didn’t freak out, and secretly, she was really proud of the blonde.

“I like waking up like this.” The blonde silently confessed, sighing contently against Lexa’s cheek.

The brunette smiled. 

“Me too.” The arm wrapped around Clarke’s waist was painful due to the blonde's weight, but Lexa pulled Clarke even closer, turning on her side to look in those blue eyes that captured her attention the first moment she saw them.

Maybe it was still too early to tell Clarke she loved her, and Lexa was already happy that they had made a big step like this. 

When the time would be right, Lexa would tell her. Because she did, love her her so much. And it was in that moment that Lexa realized she had never stopped loving the blonde, even though she had been with Costia.

Even though she had loved Costia, that had been so much different from this. 

Lexa felt so at ease with the blonde, like she could just be her complete self and she never had that with her ex-girlfriend.

And she was feeling happy. She just needed Clarke. It wasn’t about sex, or money, it was just about the two of them, understanding each other and caring for each other and Lexa wanted nothing more than just that for the rest of her life.

She scared herself with those thoughts, but Clarke didn’t seem to notice.

The blonde’s make up was smeared around her eyes, her hair a mess but Lexa found her pretty even like that.

Prettier even than normally. She just saw this side of Clarke, and she just hoped she would be the only one.

“What are you thinking?” Clarke mumbled gently, her voice husky and Lexa swallowed at hearing that.

“I’m thinking that I want to kiss you again.” Lexa whispered, and she leaned in just slightly before capturing Clarke’s lips with her own.

They pulled back at the same time, giggling slightly.

“We should brush our teeth first.” Clarke chuckled as she pecked Lexa on her cheek.

“We really should. Damn, I smell bad.” She laughed as she tried to smell her own breath.

“Ohmygod, I’m sorry I did this to you.” She mumbled after, quickly climbing out of the bed, walking to Clarke’s bathroom, trying to find a new toothbrush while the blonde joined her soon, and the two were brushing teeth together while exchanging looks in the mirror.

Neither girl felt ashamed of how they looked, they really had sleepyheads, but they didn't care.

And both felt like a teenager being in love for the first time.

They mirrored each others actions, both spitting the toothpaste out at the same time. 

“Can I kiss you now?” Lexa eagerly asked as they had both finished.

“As long as you eat pancakes with me for breakfast.” Clarke smiled, and for a moment, Lexa’s heart ached when she remembered that morning she left Clarke here. The blonde noticed.

Clarke cupped Lexa’s cheeks, and forced the brunette to look at her.

“Lexa, we’re past that.” She whispered, while she pressed their lips together, a gentle caress of Clarke’s lips on Lexa’s.

 The brunette surrendered, leaning into the kiss, tucking her hands on Clarke’s hips to pull her closer.

 Clarke let out a soft moan while Lexa’s tongue entered the blonde’s mouth, gently stroking Clarke’s own.

They kissed like this for a moment, no heat, no excitement, just content with the situation and with each other.

“I’m ready for those pancakes.” Lexa smiled as she playfully tapped the blonde’s nose before pecking her on the lips again. 

She really couldn’t get enough of Clarke.

“Then let’s get started.” Clarke mumbled, taking Lexa’s hand in her own, taking the brunette to her kitchen, where she started on the pancakes.

She was focusing so much on the pancakes, she didn’t notice Lexa standing behind her. 

“Is this okay?” Lexa whispered in Clarke’s ear as she slipped her arms around Clarke’s waist slowly. 

Clarke smiled. Lexa was always so thoughtful and gentle, and the blonde wondered for a moment what she did to deserve her. 

“Yeah, more than.” Clarke sighed while she leaned back in the touch and felt how Lexa lightly sucked on the skin in her neck, causing Clarke to let out a moan while she tilted her head.

“Stop distracting me, Woods, trying to make our breakfast here.” Clarke teased, but she was all too happy with Lexa’s actions.

Lexa just hummed something, placing one last kiss in Clarke’s neck, before leaning her chin on the blonde’s shoulder.

Lexa felt one of Clarke’s hand on her own, and she just couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Yeah, she was head over heels in love with this woman.

 

Clarke was thinking the same things.

Two weeks ago, she would’ve freaked out if Lexa had held her like this.

Two weeks ago, she wouldn’t have let Lexa do it, but now, it was all she wanted. All she needed, really.

The softness of Lexa’s firm body against her own made her feel like she wasn’t alone anymore, and that made her feel so safe. Simply happy.

As soon as she finished her pancakes, she turned around in Lexa’s arms, folding her hands behind Lexa’s neck, only to stare into those emerald eyes, and that’s when she knew.

 Lexa had always, always been looking at her like that. Even in high school. The realisation hit her hard, and Clarke was slightly taken aback by her thoughts, and Lexa noticed.

“Hey, everything okay?” Lexa tried carefully, knowing how fragile Clarke could be, but instead of a sad look on the blonde’s face, there was a happy, shiny look that surprised Lexa.

Clarke was looking at her with so much love, Lexa raised an eyebrow in surprise, not knowing where this came from all the sudden. Not that she complained, because she honestly really loved that look that Clarke had in her eyes.

“Everything is perfect.” Clarke smiled, and she placed a kiss on Lexa’s nose.

“Now, would be a shame if those pancakes would get cold.” Clarke teased as she let Lexa go, much to the brunette’s disappointment. She loved the feeling of Clarke in her arms.

The two ate breakfast, only exchanging shy looks and wiggling eyebrows, making both their hearts flutter.

“Oh, Lexa. Raven asked to join this party downtown tonight, want to come? Octavia is also coming and Anya can come too.” Clarke smiled when the pancakes were all gone.

“Oh, sure, I’d love to come. I think Anya will be there too.” Lexa smiled back at her… well… Clarke wasn’t exactly her girlfriend, but the thought set Lexa’s cheeks on fire, and she looked down at her lap. 

“What’s up?” Clarke laughed at Lexa’s shy look.

“Oh, Anya will probably tease us till the end of time.” Lexa quickly said in response, and Clarke chuckled. 

“Well, then we should tease her right back, shouldn’t we?” Clarke smiled, and took one of Lexa’s hands in her own. 

“But now I gotta go to work. Party’s at ten tonight, I’ll pick you and Anya up?” Clarke asked and Lexa nodded. 

Clarke smiled, and stood up, pecking Lexa on the cheek before quickly disappearing in her bedroom.

She emerged ten minutes later in her uniform and even in that she looked gorgeous.

“You don’t have to work today?” Clarke asked while she hurried to grab her stuff.

“No, I’m off.” Lexa smiled.

“Alright. Well, uhm, I’ll see you tonight then.” Clarke smiled awkwardly while she leaned in to press a chaste kiss on Lexa’s lips.

“Goodluck, Clarke. See you tonight.” Lexa smiled, and Clarke quickly disappeared. 

It was when Clarke was gone, that Lexa realised the blonde left her in her apartment. Lexa didn’t have key, so she couldn’t lock it up.

“Uh, okay then.” She awkwardly stood up, grabbing the plates from the table and brought them to the kitchen, only to start doing the dishes. 

As soon as she was finished, she received a text from Clarke, apologizing for leaving her at her apartment and telling her where one of the spare keys was; so Lexa could lock it up.

Lexa smiled at the text, and went to Clarke’s bedroom, where the blonde said the key was.

Lexa felt like she was prying into Clarke’s private life when she opened the drawer of the nightstand, looking for the key.

Instead, she found a photoframe, and she couldn’t help her curiosity. 

It was a picture of Clarke and a boy, with dark hair and dark eyes, clearly handsome, even though he wasn’t Lexa’s type at all.

Clarke smiled, but she looked just as sad as when they met a couple of weeks ago.

 Lexa sighed when she put the picture back, quick to find a key.

She changed clothes, neatly folding the pj’s Clarke had given her the previous night.

Lexa smiled when she was about to leave the bedroom, but threw one last look back, smiling at how Clarke the room was.

It was just slightly messy, artwork hanging on the walls, that now caught Lexa’s attention. 

The artworks were truly beautiful, and Lexa smiled.

She had to go home to walk Socks, so she closed the door, made sure everything was cleaned up, and left Clarke’s apartment, making sure to lock it up properly before leaving.

 

 

 “Whoa.” Clarke breathed in as soon as Lexa opened the door. The brunette was wearing tight, black jeans, black boots, a white v-neck shirt and a leather jacket. 

Her long, brown curls were tucked in several braids, keeping it from falling for her face, and Lexa wore little to no make up, though she looked like she just came from a shoot for a magazine.

Lexa smiled shyly when she saw Clarke’s gaze going over her body, but she honestly couldn’t help herself from doing the same thing.

Clarke’s hair was in a messy bun, wearing a white t-shirt and an oversized black bomberjacket, her t-shirt tucked into her black pantalon, which had white dots on them, and the blonde wore white Superga’s with a thick sole, making her slightly taller than she really was.

“You look pretty.” Lexa mumbled as she leaned in, pressing a kiss against Clarke’s cheek, while Clarke was fast to snake her arms around Lexa’s waist and pulling her in for a hug.

“So do you.” Clarke smiled, and pulled back as soon as she saw Anya appear from behind Lexa, quickly letting the brunette go.

“Hey, Ahn.” Clarke smiled, while she pulled Anya into a hug, which the dirty blonde woman returned, much to Lexa’s surprise.

Anya barely hugged people, and if she did, she usually made a face, but this time, Lexa could see she was genuine.

A few days ago, Clarke and Anya had been catching up, having a good talk about the olden days, and Anya had gotten some closure.

They agreed to start over as friends, and Lexa was proud on Clarke as she watched them exchange the hug.

“Alright, shall we go?” Clarke asked when she let the other blonde go, and the trio made their way over to Clarke’s car.

 The way to the party was silent, but it was a comfortable silence.

Clarke turned up the radio, and soon, the three of them were humming along an old song.

The drive wasn’t too long, the party was in this big building somewhere downtown, and for a moment, Clarke wondered where the hell Raven had ended up, being at a fancy party downtown.

 She parked her car, and the trio got out, Lexa grabbing Clarke’s hand as they took the elevator upstairs to the party.

Anya rolled her eyes when Clarke tucked herself by Lexa’s side, but both Clarke and Lexa saw how Anya smiled just slightly.

As soon as they arrived on the floor, it was as if Raven had been waiting for them to show.

“CLARKE!” the latina girl clearly already consumed a fair amount of alcohol as she practically ran into Clarke’s arms.

Clarke laughed as she rolled her eyes, and Raven wolf whistled as soon as she saw Anya appear from behind Clarke. 

“Well, well, who’s this?” Raven pulled back, already forgotten about her best friend. 

Anya cocked her eyebrows, but an amused smirk fell on her face. 

“Anya.” Anya extended her hand, which Raven gladly took.

 “Raven.” The latina girl just said, standing a bit too close, but somehow, Anya didn’t really mind. She liked this girl already.

 “Alright, let’s grab a drink.” Lexa awkwardly said after watching Anya and Raven, and Clarke just smirked.

“Should’ve known to set them up on a blind date.” She whispered in Lexa’s ear as the two disappeared to grab their drink.

“A beer for me, and Clarke?” Lexa looked at Clarke expectantly, and Clarke nodded, also taking a beer.

The two walked to an empty booth, where Anya and Raven soon joined them, talking a deep conversation, completely ignoring Clarke and Lexa, leaving both girls surprised, but amused. 

“Lexa!” Lexa then heard a familiar voice, and she saw how Octavia emerged from the people. 

“O!” Lexa’s eyes lit up slightly, she hadn’t seen Octavia in years, and the two girls greeted each other in a hug.

“Long time no see.” Octavia laughed happily as she hugged her old friend, and all Clarke could do was smile.

“How are you?” Lexa asked, a big smile on her face as they were reunited again. She had always loved her friends in high school.

“I’m good! Look, this is Lincoln, my boyfriend.” Octavia smiled widely as she presented her boyfriend, and Lexa smirked when she shook his hand.

They all introduced each other, and soon, it was as if they had known each other for years, including Raven and Lincoln.

They kept talking, and Raven couldn’t stop teasing Clarke and Lexa, and Anya joined her soon.

They had a good time, but Clarke needed to get some air, so she excused herself from the group, and made her way to the roof. She was pretty sure she wasn’t allowed on the roof, but rules never really stopped her from doing things.

It didn’t take long for Lexa to join her.

“You alright?” Lexa asked worriedly, as she saw Clarke watching over the city.

“I have a thing for rooftops.” Clarke just mumbled, and Lexa smiled, sliding her arms around Clarke’s shoulders from behind, pressing a kiss against Clarke’s temple. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty up here.” Lexa mumbled as she leaned her head on Clarke’s shoulder, staring out into the lights of the city in the dark night.

Then, Clarke turned around in her arms, pressing a few kisses against Lexa’s jaw, making the brunette smile, her eyes closed and her nose crunched up as Clarke tickled her in her face with her breath and lips.

Clarke enjoyed this moment more than usual. Seeing Lexa’s face like that, full of happiness and innocence, Clarke couldn’t help but feel the same way. 

There was nothing more to add in her life that would make her happier. This was it. 

Lexa was it.

And she knew it. And Clarke started crying at that thought.

And Lexa just got scared, afraid that Clarke let her fear lead her again, but Clarke smiled through her tears as Lexa didn’t speak.

 “I think I’m happy.” Clarke breathed out the words, so quietly, but Lexa heard them, and she smiled.

“I think I am happy too, Clarke. Which is why I want to take you out on a date.” She mumbled, feeling how Clarke’s arms settled around her waist, pulling the brunette closer.

“I would love to go on a date with you.” Clarke smiled while she looked into Lexa’s eyes, those eyes that looked at her with so much love it made Clarke swallow hard.

 She closed her own eyes and gently pressed their lips together in a searing kiss, one they both needed as confirmation.

Confirmation that this was good; that this was meant to be; that they belonged together. Confirmation that nothing could come between them.

After a few breathless moments, Lexa pulled back slightly. 

“Let’s go back.”

“I don’t want to hear them teasing us again.” Clarke warned.

“We’ll go dance, then.” Lexa wiggled her eyebrows making Clarke laugh slightly and the two women made their way back inside.

Back inside, Timbaland’s ‘Give it to me’ playing, and Clarke smirked as she snaked her arms around Lexa’s waist once again, while Lexa looked pretty smug, tugging her own hands behind Clarke’s neck, connecting their hips as they slowly moved to the beat. It was warm, and dark, despite the lights, and the pair felt invisible, as they moved, pressing their bodies impossibly closer.

They felt like teenagers when Justin Timberlakes’ ‘Sexy back’ started playing, both smirks on their faces as they moved closely, their bodies connecting as Clarke pressed her forehead against Lexa’s.

She felt so free in that moment, even if it seemed ridiculous that they were dancing to a song so wrong.

But it felt so right.

At some point, Clarke had so much fun (and secretly she was incredibly turned on because Lexa was so hot, but she refused to admit that) she pulled back when the next song started playing.

“I drive these brothers crazy, I do it on the daily, They treat me really nicely, They buy me all these iceys...”

She sang, dancing seductively around Lexa, seeing Lexa’s eyes widen in shock, or it could’ve been lust.

Clarke didn’t take time to find out, she spun around until her back was directed at Lexa, and Clarke threw another seductive look over her shoulder, seeing Lexa visibly gulp at the sight.

 Swaying her hips, Clarke slowly lowered her body on the rhythm of the beat. She moved back slightly, until she felt Lexa’s erratic breath in her neck, two arms snake around her waist, though Lexa’s hands wandered dangerously low, and Clarke enjoyed every second of it.

She pressed her back into Lexa’s front and moaned loudly, though it faded away in the loud music.

She felt how Lexa moved with her, how Lexa panted in her neck.

“You’re driving me crazy.” Lexa mumbled, nibbling on Clarke’s earlobe and the two were so lost in each other, they almost forgot they were in a room full of others.

Lexa roughly (but gentle at the same time) turned Clarke around in her arms, pressing their hips together once again while another song played, but neither heard the song, only the beat, the rhythm they followed in their intimate movements. 

Lexa’s eyes were dark as she traced the blonde’s face, and she clearly felt an ache between her legs.

That’s exactly why she pressed her own leg between Clarke’s, so that Clarke’s leg pressed against her own center and the two let out another moan at the same time, enjoying the pressure against their sensitive area, both in need for more than just that. 

“Wait.” Clarke panted, ready to take Lexa to the bathroom, but she didn’t want to do it there.

Lexa stopped moving, though her arms still around the blonde, her eyes now looking at her in concern.

“No, I’m good, but if we continue doing this, I won’t be able to stop.” Clarke breathed, her heart beating fast in her throat, the ache between her legs throbbing by now.

She leaned her forehead against Lexa’s again and Lexa nodded. She knew Clarke was right, she had no self control whatsoever. Not anymore, not now she had seen Clarke like that. It had been such a turn on, that even when they sat down in the booth, she could still feel the wetness pool between her legs.

Maybe it was because she hadn’t had sex in a long time. Or maybe it was, because was so ridiculously hot dancing like that.

Both girls kept smirking as they ordered a drink, and the others, who apparently had been dancing too, joined them soon.

“Well, well, I expected you guys would have a room by now.” Raven smirked drunkenly while she hung around Anya.

Octavia looked just as smug and drunk. “We saw you guys dryhump each other, and you guys are still here?” she laughed loudly, while Lincoln rolled his eyes with an amused grin on his face.

“Shut up.” Clarke muttered, her cheeks red, but Lexa laughed with the other brunette’s.

 “I think I’m gonna go home.” Clarke then said, a smile back on her face as soon as Raven and Octavia stopped teasing.

 “You’re our riiiideee, Clarke!!” Anya called out, and Lexa stood up as well.

“None of us can drive, Ahn, we’ve had too much to drink.” Lexa smirked while she took Clarke in her arms, standing in front of the booth full of drunk friends.

“Aaaight.” Octavia mumbled, while kissing Lincoln’s neck, who was still amused by it all.

“We’ll take a cab.” Clarke stated, and she said her goodbye’s, and pulled Lexa with her as she walked towards the elevator.

 She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, while avoiding Lexa’s gaze. She was pretty sure that if she looked at Lexa, she would lose control over herself and jump Lexa’s bones.

But they were drunk, and they were somewhere in the middle of the city, and Clarke wanted their first time to be… better.

So she refused to look at the brunette, until they were in the cab, and they just couldn’t stop touching each other. 

Drunk Lexa was incredibly handsy, but Clarke didn’t complain.

The taxi driver just seemed amused by the two, but Clarke stopped paying attention to anything else but Lexa.

Lexa was all she felt.

The brunette kissing and nipping her neck, while her hands were roaming over dangerous territory, slipping underneath Clarke’s shirt, caressing Clarke’s soft skin, and Clarke couldn’t do anything but enjoy that.

She did. She was just as handsy as Lexa, as her own hands disappeared underneath Lexa’s shirt, and Clarke knew what she was doing when her hands went up to carefully touch Lexa’s breasts over her bra, and Clarke smirked when she heard Lexa’s breath hitch in her throat.

 The cab made a stop, and Clarke knew she was home. 

She told the driver Lexa’s address, paid for herself, gave Lexa a quick peck on the lips, sent her a seductive smile and left Lexa confused in the cab, alone.


	7. Chapter 7

_‘And promise me this; you’ll wait for me only, scared of the lonely arms. Surface, far below these birds. And maybe, just maybe I’ll come home.” Ben Howard - Promise_

 

“Rae, what the hell am I supposed to wear?” Clarke almost cried out as she threw pieces of clothing away on her bed, searching her closet for something pretty.

“Clarke, if I remember well, you have that bordeaux red dress?” Raven’s voice sounded over the phone.

“Makes you ass and boobs look amazing, Griffin.” Raven teased and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“I don’t know, Rae.” Clarke sighed, not sure what Lexa had meant by ‘casual but chique’.

“Just wear the damn dress, Griffin.” Clarke heard another voice, and she quirked a brow.

“Is Anya with you?” she asked suspiciously.

“Maybe.” Raven sounded like she was smirking and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“I knew it.” She mumbled to herself, smiling when she remembered the party a few days earlier. Both Raven and Anya kept talking to each other, and Clarke knew they hit off the first moment they met, and she smiled. She was happy for Raven, the latina girl seemed smitten already.

 “Alright, I’ll wear the red dress.” Clarke finally said when she gave up.

“Good. Now relax, Lexa probably wouldn’t notice even if you’d wear a garbage bag. All heart eyes and stuff.” Anya sounded teasingly, and Clarke rolled her eyes again. 

“Shut up. I’m gonna hang up now, Lexa should be here in an hour.” Clarke hung up the phone before Raven nor Anya could say anything more.

She sighed deeply as she put on the red dress, and looked at herself in the mirror. 

A sad expression on her face when she remembered the occasion she had bought this dress for; one of her dates with Finn. He had loved it. 

“Even though I love Lexa, I still miss you.” She whispered softly, memories flooding her head. Finn had been so good for her, and she knew that if he hadn’t been there, Clarke wouldn’t be here right now.

But she smiled as soon as she thought of the brunette. Lexa was the one, and Clarke knew it.

It had always been Lexa.

Wait, what? Clarke thought to herself, still staring in the mirror.

Always been Lexa?

Then she smiled. Maybe, she’d always loved her. Maybe, she’d always had a crush on the brunette.

She remembered high school all too well; Lexa with her uncontrollable long curls, her glasses and her clumsiness, her unawareness that she was adorable and incredibly funny at the same time, and partially, that was still the Lexa she knew now.

But the Lexa now was way more careful, way sweeter even. She had grown up and Clarke loved her even more now.

Yeah, she had always loved the brunette, and now she remembered how happy she’d always been when Lexa would walk into the room. 

She just couldn’t remember how she was so unaware of her own feelings. She was so blind.

But maybe it was for the best. Maybe they both had to grow into adults, both needed time to discover who they were, even though Clarke had failed miserably at that.

But she knew she would find out who she was with Lexa, because she knew Lexa would love her no matter what.

Even though after just weeks of meeting again, Clarke felt her love run deeply for the brunette.

Maybe it was gratitude. Maybe it was happiness, or maybe, it was just because Lexa made her feel so much better about herself. 

Or maybe it was all of the above.

Clarke sighed again, snapping out of her daze when she realized she needed to put on some make up and do her hair.

 She barely had time to do her make up, so she sighed once again when she wasn’t ready when the doorbell rang.

 She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, walking to the door as she quickly slipped on her black heels.

Saying that she dropped her jaw when she saw Lexa would’ve been an understatement.

“I..” she just gasped as she stared at the woman in front of her.

Lexa wore a black dress, with tiny spaghetti straps, revealing her cleavage, which made Clarke swallow deeply as she felt her throat go dry.

The dress was slit up, so Clarke gulped again when she saw Lexa’s toned leg coming from underneath the dress.

She moved her gaze back to Lexa’s face and smiled widely when she saw how Lexa was checking her out with wide eyes. 

The brunette’s hair was loosely dancing around her shoulders.

It was now, that Clarke finally could see the entire tattoo on Lexa’s arm, and it was sexy as hell.

“You look amazing, Clarke.” Lexa’s voice sounded huskier than normal, and Clarke nodded shyly. 

“And you look…” she gulped again. “sexy?” her voice barely audible, Lexa smirked confidently as she finally took a step closer, invading Clarke’s personal space, but the blonde didn’t mind at all.

“Hi.” Lexa whispered, tucking some of Clarke’s wild curls behind the blonde’s ear, before gently cupping her face.

“You’ve really grown into a fine woman.” Lexa grinned then, pressing a kiss on Clarke’s nose, and Clarke just melted at her gentleness.

“I can say the same about you.” Clarke mumbled, her eyes now focused on Lexa’s pink, plump lips that looked so kissable.

 So she took her chance, and pressed her own lips against Lexa’s, immediately letting out a soft moan.

 The kiss was heated; when both women saw each other last time, they left each other quite… sexually frustrated, to say the least.

Then, Lexa pulled back slightly, bumping her nose with Clarke’s.

“I made reservations.” The brunette spoke as soon as she pulled herself together, because Clarke Griffin had the ability to make Lexa Woods lose her mind. In a good way. 

“Then let’s go.” Clarke breathed. 

When they walked outside to Lexa’s car, neither of them noticed Raven’s car standing near.

   

“We could’ve just stayed at my place.” Clarke joked as soon as Lexa parked her car at a hotel.

Lexa smirked as she walked around the car to open Clarke’s door for her.

“Thank you.” Clarke smiled as she stepped out, grabbing Lexa’s hand, strangely always needing to touch the brunette

Lexa guided Clarke inside, where they took the elevator to the highest floor.

It guided them to the restaurant on top of the building, and Clarke smirked when Lexa walked outside, to sit close by the fence that kept them from falling down.

“You said you had a thing for rooftops.” Lexa smiled as she saw more excitement on Clarke’s face.

“You’re perfect.” Clarke just mumbled as she pulled the brunette into a hug.

Lexa happily returned the hug, closing her eyes as she nuzzled her face into Clarke’s neck and inhaled the blonde’s scent. 

Then, Clarke let her go and the two sat down, while Clarke couldn’t choose between enjoying the view of the city or the view of the beautiful brunette in front of her.

She just moved her gaze to the other every few minutes, but she held Lexa’s hand on the table, enjoying their simple contact. 

The waiter came, and they ordered, and soon, they were wrapped up in a simple getting-to-know-eachother conversation. 

They shared simple things, like their favorite colour or their hobbies, and it was something Clarke hadn’t done in ages, and god, how good it felt not having to worry about anything else.

Clarke did notice she forgot to look at the view of the city.

Lexa was just so captivating, so stunning and Clarke couldn’t care less about the city. 

The two got their food, but almost forgot to eat, that’s how much they were wrapped into their conversation.

Clarke did notice when the sun started setting, and she noticed they were the only ones on the roof.

She stood up from her chair and dragged Lexa with her, only to stand against the fence to watch the sun set over the city, which was a magical view. 

Lexa just stood behind her, her chin leaning on Clarke’s shoulder as her arms snaked around the blonde’s waist, holding her close.

 “You are so beautiful.” Lexa mumbled as she pressed a small kiss against Clarke’s cheek, and Clarke sighed contently, leaning back into Lexa’s touch.

 “So are you, Lexa.” Clarke sounded like she was about to say more, and she turned around in Lexa’s arms, placing a kiss on the brunette’s forehead.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this all night, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be ready for it. But now I know; I am. Lexa, I love you, and I want to be with you, so I wanted to officially ask if you want to be my girlfriend?” Clarke smiled when she saw a sparkle in Lexa’s emerald eyes, and it made her heart flip, once, twice even. 

“Clarke…” Lexa sighed happily as she leaned her forehead against Clarke’s. “I love you too, and it would be the biggest honour to be your girlfriend.” Lexa smiled, as she moved her lips closer to Clarke, waiting for the blonde to close the gap. 

And she did. Their mouths met in an openmouthed kiss, and it was short, but heated. 

Both panting when they pulled back, both women suddenly needed more. 

“Let’s go home.” Clarke breathed as her hands cupped Lexa’s neck, her thumbs caressing Lexa’s jawline, and Lexa just smiled at the gentle touch of the blonde. 

She nodded in agreement, went inside and paid, and the two almost ran to the car.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke gasped, unable to contain the want in her voice as the two stumbled into Clarke’s apartment, and Lexa had pressed her up against the door.

She dug her hands further into Lexa’s back, needing the brunette as close as possible.

Lexa’s lips seemed glued to Clarke’s neck, and the brunette felt the vibrations of Clarke’s moans.

Clarke almost laughs at the feeling of Lexa’s lips, her wet kisses in Clarke’s neck. It feels so good.

Her mind is completely consumed by the sensation that sends shiver down her spine, and she can’t help but wrap a leg around Lexa, needing to feel her close as the throbbing between her legs only gets worse when Lexa seemed to touch her truly everywhere. 

Lexa hummed in satisfaction, and she sucks her way back up to Clarke’s face, ending on Clarke’s mouth when the blonde gasped for need.

Their mouths meeting in another open-mouthed kiss, Clarke feels herself getting lost in the brunette, letting out another moan.

Lexa couldn’t help but feel so hungry for the blonde, kissing her hard as she now rocked her own hips into Clarke’s, a moan coming from the both of them.

“Bedroom.” Clarke pants hard when Lexa pulls back to breathe, and the blonde now wraps both of her legs around Lexa’s, trying not to buck her hips into Lexa’s as the brunette carries her to the bedroom, sucking her neck once again.

They were fast in removing their clothes, because all they wanted to feel was each others skin, each others warmth. 

Clarke’s eyes had grown dark, and Lexa felt her mouth go dry when she saw the blonde standing in front of her, completely naked and vulnerable.

She took the sight in, Clarke’s pale skin, her curves and god, her perfect cleavage.

She pushed Clarke towards the bed, until Clarke’s knees hit the edge. She pushed a bit further, making Clarke lie down on the bed, before climbing on top of the blonde.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Lexa breathed as she felt how Clarke pulled her closer.

“Shut up and make love to me.” Clarke’s voice was huskier than usual, and Lexa happily did so.

She made sure Clarke was safe on the bed, when Clarke wrapped her legs around the brunette once again, and Lexa gasped when she felt how her wet center met Clarke’s, she threw her head in her neck while she let out a loud moan. 

Clarke pulled her closer, bucking her hips into Lexa’s, needing some kind of pressure against her center.

 The brunette gasped, rocking her own hips onto Clarke, creating a rhythm that wasn’t enough yet for Clarke, though she felt how close she was already. They both were. 

“Faster.” Clarke moaned as Lexa payed more attention to Clarke’s boobs.

The blonde needed more.

Lexa just kissed her way back up, her tongue meeting Clarke’s as she moved faster and faster. 

Clarke’s arms were tightly around Lexa’s back, pressing the brunette close, she bit the brunette in her neck. 

“I’m close.” She breathed, and Lexa felt it too. 

Clarke came. Hard. She squeezed her eyes close, her nails digging into Lexa’s skin, as they came together. 

Lexa collapsed in Clarke’s arms, and both women gasped, both surprised by what they felt.

“That was…” Clarke started. 

“The fucking best orgasm of my life.” Lexa finished, still gasping while Clarke held her close.

“Yeah.” Clarke closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of the brunette’s warm skin against her own, and she played with Lexa’s wild, curly hair as she pressed a kiss against her forehead.

“You’re amazing, Lexa. I love you.” Clarke smiled, though she felt how tired she actually was.

“Thank you. I love you, too.” Lexa just mumbled sleepily. It didn’t take long for them to fall asleep in each others arms.

  

Lexa woke up just an hour later, being cold. They hadn’t even bothered to pull the sheets over them to keep them warm.

She tried not to wake Clarke, but the blonde stirred already.

“It’s cold.” Lexa whispered, pressing a kiss against Clarke’s cheek.

 “No, it’s not.” Clarke mumbled, half asleep as she reached in the dark for Lexa, but the brunette pulled Clarke off the bed, now climbing into the bed instead of on it.

 Clarke laid back down, already almost asleep again, but she pulled Lexa on top of her again. 

“You’re comfy.” She slurred a bit, her arms wrapping around Lexa’s waist as the brunette made herself comfortable.

 She buried her face in Clarke’s neck, and she just couldn’t be happier in that moment.

Clarke was all she needed and she knew it.

 

 

“No.” Clarke refused in her sleep. “No, don’t you dare get off me.” She held Lexa close.

The brunette smirked when she saw Clarke fighting her. Lexa really needed to get to work, but Clarke, still fast asleep, somehow knew her plans and kept holding her.

Not that Lexa complained, she actually thought it was quite endearing.

“Clarke.” She whispered while hovering over the naked blonde underneath her. She pressed a kiss on Clarke’s mouth, gently, and the blonde stirred.

“Morning.” Lexa’s smile was incredibly wide when Clarke opened her eyes, making the blonde chuckle.

“Morning.” Clarke’s voice was raspy, and sexy, and Lexa knew she had to get out of the bed, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to control herself. She already felt the warmth between her legs becoming heated.

“I gotta work, Clarke.” Lexa said apologetically as she nudged her nose against Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke reacted as Lexa expected.

“No.” Clarke pressed Lexa tighter against herself, and pressed a few featherlight kisses in her neck.

“Clarke, I have to.” Lexa smirked, trying to escape Clarke’s grip, but the blonde was stronger than expected. 

“Please, stay.” Clarke begged her, but then she remembered she had to work herself and cursed.

 “Shit.” She just said, regretfully letting her girlfriend go.

“There’s one thing we can do before going.” Lexa wiggled her eyebrows as she stood beside the bed, and Clarke swallowed at seeing Lexa’s toned body. 

“What’s that?” Clarke lost her voice by now, as she quickly climbed out of the bed, following Lexa to her shower.

 

They were both late for work.


	8. Chapter 8

_‘Just hold me.’ Aquilo – Silhouette_

  

 

TWO YEARS LATER 

 

 

“Hey, babe.” Lexa’s voice sounded through the phone and it made Clarke smile immediately.

“Hey.” Clarke sat down on the couch they bought a couple of months ago.

 They had found an apartment close to Clarke’s old one as soon as Lexa had asked Clarke to move in together. Lexa had been afraid it was too soon and regretted her question, when Clarke had jumped her happily and kissed her face, saying ‘yes, yes, yes’ over a million times.

They had only been living together for a few months, but it felt so right and Clarke couldn’t be more happy. 

She had truly changed. The death of her parents was no longer a burden; it was a painful happening in Clarke’s past, but she could now smile when she recalled memories that contained her parents. And Finn, well, that was also in the past. She still missed him in a way, but not much. He had been good for her, but Clarke had managed to process his death.

Especially now with Lexa. Lexa had showed her the love she needed, and she somehow managed to provide Clarke with happiness she didn’t even knew existed.

It was in the small things, really. How Lexa made her a cup of coffee in the morning, or how Clarke would make her pancakes and Lexa would kiss her cheek when she received them.

Or when they were too tired to have sex (which didn’t happen often) and Lexa would just cuddle up against Clarke in their bed and whisper sweet things in her ear.

Or when they’d laugh in the morning after attempting to kiss each other, but their breaths were just too bad and they had to get out.

Or when they’d walk Socks in the park and Lexa would happily grab Clarke’s hand and talk about her weird obsessions for candles and space, which made Clarke laugh.

Or when they would go out on a date and try to make it special, not just going to a boring restaurant, but actually doing something fun.

Yeah, it was all good. Especially when Clarke had decided that her career as a paramedic was over. Lexa had been surprised to hear that, but Clarke knew it was enough, and even though Raven had been disappointed, she knew it was something Clarke just had to do.

“What are you doing?” Lexa asked, and Clarke knew she was tired.

“Nothing. I’m about to walk Socks. I just painted, and I feel lazy.” Clarke chuckled a bit and she heard Lexa giggle as well.

“You are lazy, ever since you stopped working.” Lexa teased and Clarke raised a brow in amusement.

“You know I’m going to school every day, right? I’m not that lazy.” Clarke laughed out loud now and she heard how Lexa laughed softly.

“Still don’t understand why you want to be a vet, Clarke, but I support you.” Lexa joked again. Clarke had chosen to become a vet, just because she loved the medical field, but she just couldn’t do it with human beings anymore. She thought this was the perfect solution, since she loved animals too.

“Hey, I’m not gonna make it to dinner tonight, they want me to work a few hours longer.” Lexa sounded apologetically, and Clarke tried to hide her disappointment. 

“Hey, that’s okay, babe.” Clarke smiled. “Can I pick you up, though?” the blonde asked nervously. She had been planning on asking Lexa something for quite a while, but she was afraid it was too soon. Well, nothing was too soon in their relationship.

“Clarke, I gotta work in the night. You don’t have to pick me up.” Lexa’s voice was soft, and Clarke missed her girlfriend.

“Well, can I at least visit you tonight? I kinda miss you.” Clarke joked, but they both knew Clarke really missed her.

“Of course you can, babe, I’m just not sure if I’ll have much time for you. You know how it goes.” Lexa sighed deeply and Clarke smiled, knowing what she talked about.

“Yeah, I do,” Clarke sighed. “Maybe I’ll come by later, okay? I’ll walk Socks now, he’s really eager to go out today.” The blonde eyed the dog sitting across from her, looking at her with his head slightly askew. His big brown eyes were big and his fluffy hair looked inviting and Clarke patted her lap. He walked over to her and started licking her hand, much to Clarke’s displeasure.

“Ew, Socks, don’t lick me. Don’t you know how many bacteria are in your spit? Keep your tongue in your mouth, cutie, then we’ll talk.” Clarke rolled her eyes, and heard Lexa laugh on the other side of the line.

“Alright, I gotta go. I love you.” Lexa said, and Clarke smiled again.

“I love you too, Lexa.” 

 

 

Clarke didn’t really enjoy her walk that afternoon. She was confused about her feelings, but most of all she was nervous.

She didn’t really know when to pop the question. Lexa had to work often, and Clarke knew the longer she waited the more afraid she’d become.

“What do you think?” she looked at Socks whom was currently somewhere in the bushes.

“Should I ask her tonight?” Clarke tried again. “Socks! Help me out here, will ya?” Clarke sighed desperately.

Socks finally appeared from the bushes and he had such a cute look on his fluffy face, Clarke melted and kneeled down to rub him on his back, and give him a small hug.

“You know, I think I want a Socks 2.0. Would you like a brother or sister?” Clarke kept talking to Socks, and he enthusiastically started licking her, leaving Clarke disgusted once again. 

“You gotta stop doing that! You could just, I don’t know, bark once when you agree with me? Could you do that? Yes, good boy.” Clarke smirked and gave Socks a kiss on his head, before continuing their walk. 

“Yes, I’ll ask her tonight.”

 

“Clarke!” Lexa’s happy voice sounded through the crowd in the hallway and Clarke turned around to see Lexa running towards her in her scrubs, surgical cap still covering her messy hair.

“Hey, babe.” Clarke smiled widely when Lexa approached and kissed her on the lips gently.

“Ugh, this surgery took forever!” Lexa threw her hands in the air, and Clarke smiled.

 “Do you have a couple of minutes?” Clarke asked seriously and Lexa dropped her innocence, probably thinking that something is wrong.

“No, nothing’s wrong babe, I just wanted to talk about something.” Clarke fidgeted with her coat, when Lexa placed a kiss on her nose.

“We can go to the roof.” She smirked, and Clarke grinned as well. They often went to the roof of the hospital during Lexa’s breaks at night, simply because they both loved the view, and talking about nothing. 

So, they walked to the elevator, and Lexa took her girlfriend to the roof, where Clarke felt more nervous than ever.

“Clarke, is everything okay?” Lexa asked worriedly, grabbed Clarke by the shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah, I- I’m good.” Clarke stuttered, and she mentally slapped herself in the face.

“Lexa, I-I…” she started, and Lexa smiled when she saw Clarke’s flustered expression.

“Marry me.” Clarke blurted out and Lexa’s eyes widened for a moment and her jaw dropped. Her hands fell off Clarke’s shoulders and she kept staring at Clarke like she’d just seen a ghost.

“Ohmygod, it’s too soon, isn’t it? God, I’m such an idiot, I should go, I’ll see you tonight. Forget what I asked, I just.. I gotta go, I gotta go.” Clarke chickened out, as she started backing up, but Lexa stopped her.

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, I-… wait, what?” Clarke raised an eyebrow as she turned around to meet Lexa with the biggest smile on her face she’d ever seen. 

“Yes, Clarke, I’ll marry you.” Lexa squealed for a moment, making Clarke laugh, and Lexa almost flew in Clarke’s arms. 

“Clarke, I love you. What on earth makes you think it’s too soon? I love you, and I think I’ve told you a couple of times; I want to be with you.” Lexa whispered in Clarke’s ear as she held the blonde close, their bodies pressing against the other.

“I love you.” Clarke mumbled as she tried to reach in her pocket, but Lexa was holding her too tight. “Lexa.”

“Hmm, yes?” Lexa mumbled, her nose buried in Clarke’s warm, comfortable neck.

 “Could you maybe let me go so I can give you the ring?” Clarke chuckled as she tickled the brunette in her sides.

“Ah! Stop! Wait, you bought a ring?” Lexa seemed surprised and Clarke let out a snort.

“That’s what people usually do when the plan to propose, don’t they?” Clarke laughed as she looked at her now fiancé in awe. Even in her scrubs, messy curls that escaped their bun, coming from underneath her cap, she looked absolutely stunning.

“Uhm, yes, but I thought, I though that you just… didn’t plan it?” Lexa tried, and Clarke laughed louder. 

“As you know I suck at planning stuff. I was just too nervous, and I knew that if I waited any time longer, I would’ve completely chickened out.” Clarke was suddenly shy, and she looked past Lexa, over the city that was now dark.

She did reach her pocket and grabbed the small box, taking Lexa’s hand in her own and opened the box clumsily.

“Here. It’s for you.” Clarke mumbled as she wanted to shove the ring on Lexa’s finger, but Lexa stopped her.

“Wait. It’s your mothers’ ring, Clarke.” Lexa looked in Clarke’s blue eyes and saw a small tear forming, and she smiled sadly. 

“I think she would want you to have it, Lexa. If she’d known how great you’ve been for me, how you’ve treated me and helped me, I think she would love you more than she’d love me.” Clarke chuckled softly, but she meant every word.

Lexa smiled, and took the ring, now on her finger as she took a step closer.

“I love you, Clarke. I know I always will.” She said as she slipped her arms around Clarke’s neck, pulling her in for a short but searing kiss. 

“I love you too, Lexa.” Clarke breathed.

“We’re engaged.”

“Yes, we are.”

 

TWO MONTHS LATER

 

 

 

Clarke Griffin (14:35) – I got a present for you :))))

 

Lexa (14:46) – Oh no, what did you do?

 

Clarke Griffin (14:48) – Oh ye of little faith

 

Clarke Griffin (14:48) – IMAGE

 

Lexa (14:49) – Who is that?

 

Clarke Griffin (14:50) – Socks 2.0

 

Clarke Griffin (14:50) – You’ll love him, he’s even cuter than Socks

 

Lexa (14:51) – Clarke Griffin, you bought a dog without asking me?!

 

Clarke Griffin (14:51) – Oh come on, Lex

 

Clarke Griffin (14:51) – We aren’t even married yet

 

Clarke Griffin (14:51) – No offense, babe

 

Clarke Griffin (14:52) – Come on, he’s cute af

 

Clarke Griffin (14:54) – Lexa, please, I’m sorry, but I can’t bring him back

 

Clarke Griffin (14:59) – ………

 

Clarke Griffin (15:06) – Lexa!

 

Clarke Griffin (15:29) – Okay, fine, you’re ignoring me. I still can’t bring him back though.

 

Clarke Griffin (16:03) – Please, I thought you wouldn’t mind? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you

 

Lexa (16:23) – Clarke I was in the ER, I didn’t ignore you

 

Lexa (16:23) – I fucking love you

 

Lexa (16:24) – I’ve wanted a second dog since we moved in together

 

Lexa (16:24) – I just thought you didn’t want one

 

Lexa (16:25) – You’re the woman of my dreams, Clarke :p

 

Lexa (16:26) – I love you. See you tonight :)

 

Clarke Griffin (16:36) – Three months, babe, three months and you’re my wife :D

 

Clarke Griffin (16:37) – I love you too <3

 

Clarke griffin (16:38) – Lion King is on tonight

 

Lexa (16:58) – That’s a date

 

Clarke Griffin (16:59) – I love you. See you tonight

 

Lexa (17:00) – I love you more. Now go and walk Socks, he must be eager

 

Clarke Griffin (17:01) – He peed in the house. He’s not eager anymore

 

Lexa (17:02) – WHAT? Ohmygod, Clarke

 

Lexa (17:02) – I don’t think having kids is a good idea if you can’t even manage two dogs

 

Clarke Griffin (17:03) - :(

 

Clarke Griffin (17:03) – Wait, what? You want kids?

 

Clarke Griffin (17:03) - :DDDDD

 

Lexa (17:04) – I think mini Clarke’s would be cute

 

Lexa (17:04) – Though a bit annoying

 

Clarke Griffin (17:05) – Don’t know whether to hit you or kiss you when you get home

 

Lexa (17:05) – Let’s stick with kissing

 

Clarke Griffin (17:06) – Do you really want kids with me?

 

Lexa (17:06) – Yes.


End file.
